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I don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See Front.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
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More quotes by Demetri Martin
Dogs seem more photogenic than cats. In photos most cats look like sociopaths.
Demetri Martin
A jerk on a motorcycle is equal to a leaf, because I find it beautiful when these things fall.
Demetri Martin
I've often liked a girl, made her laugh, and thought she liked me, and then found out that she didn't like me that way. I've definitely done time in the friend zone.
Demetri Martin
The difference between a child's toy and an adult toy is: location, location, location.
Demetri Martin
I thought I would, you know, go to college, get to law school, finish, and then get a job and work as a lawyer, but that proved to be not a good fit for me.
Demetri Martin
My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.
Demetri Martin
Never forget where you came from. That's what I think when I walk into a cave.
Demetri Martin
Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.
Demetri Martin
When telling a story about how wasted you were last night, stop.
Demetri Martin
I bought a new pair of pajamas with pockets, which is great, cause now i don't have to hold things when I sleep.
Demetri Martin
People only mention it's a free country if they're doing something shitty.
Demetri Martin
I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.
Demetri Martin
Sometimes it looks like I'm dancing, but it's just that I walked into a spider web.
Demetri Martin
Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the book store i just flip to the about the author section. I'm like, Done, next!
Demetri Martin
But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.
Demetri Martin
If you stretched the average person's intestines out from end to end, it would make them scream a lot.
Demetri Martin
The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience.
Demetri Martin
I've learned something on the road, traveling around: state shapes. The easier it is to draw the shape of the state, the harder it is to live in that state. So, if you live in a regular polygon, get the hell outta there. You gotta move to a squiggly area. Culture's attracted to squiggles.
Demetri Martin
You never forget your first kiss. And that's what makes it so hard to forgive my uncle.
Demetri Martin
Vampire fad just won't die. Makes sense, I guess.
Demetri Martin
