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A parade looks like a bunch of people are excited about being in traffic.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
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People
Parade
Parades
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More quotes by Demetri Martin
When I first heard the term 'training bra,' I was freaked out. I was pretty young and I said, 'Did you just say training bra? They're training their chests? I had no idea.' See some lady, her boobs are everywhere. 'What's her deal?' Those are untrained titties.
Demetri Martin
You never forget your first kiss. And that's what makes it so hard to forgive my uncle.
Demetri Martin
Right now someone out there is struggling and starting to panic because they can't get out of a tempurpedic bed.
Demetri Martin
One thing you never hear is Man that guy is good at badminton.
Demetri Martin
If you drink enough beer, everything turns in to a bed.
Demetri Martin
It's hard to know what's gay in life. Boxing. That's two men fighting over a belt.
Demetri Martin
Small businesses are important, but so are tiny businesses.
Demetri Martin
If you remove a treehouse from a tree, than it's just a shitty house. Sometimes when i'm in a shitty house, I like to imagine that it's in a tree, than it's like Woah, this house is amazing.
Demetri Martin
I wanna design a video game where you'd have to take care of all the people shot in all the other video games.
Demetri Martin
A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.
Demetri Martin
Whenever I investigate a smell, I find that the answer is always bad. It's never: 'What is that? *sniff* muffins!'
Demetri Martin
I like playing frisbee. It is the only sport where you can throw something at a person and it's okay.
Demetri Martin
I am sometimes referred to as Excuse Me in an annoyed tone of voice, because apparently I am in the way. I am so sorry. I am supposed to be some sort of mind reader, I guess. I am moving out of the way now as slowly as I possibly can. I am doing this and there's nothing you can do about it.
Demetri Martin
How many of you are creative? I don't know, but for me, when you make a bunch of things over time and then you keep them... you forget. I look through my sketchbooks and I'm an audience for myself.
Demetri Martin
People only mention it's a free country if they're doing something shitty.
Demetri Martin
I can move objects with my mind, if I use my hands.
Demetri Martin
If I make my window ten days for stand-up, the conclusion is that I failed and that I'm not good at stand-up. If I make it ten years - if I just wait - the conclusion might be something totally different. I think it's so cool to do things in which you discover the malleability of your own mind.
Demetri Martin
I can tell how lonely I am by how easily I'm fooled by a mannequin in a store.
Demetri Martin
I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.
Demetri Martin
What I've learned about my self over the years is that I'm pretty restless. If I multitask it's probably because I have difficulty just focusing on one thing.
Demetri Martin
