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I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Bongos
Favorite
Playing
Sound
Someone
Think
Thinking

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The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door.
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A human head looks the least scary when it is attached.
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I can tell how lonely I am by how easily I'm fooled by a mannequin in a store.
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My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.
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What's this about rice milk? I didn't even know rice had nipples!
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To remove blood stains from your conscience try frozen margaritas.
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A good name for a gang would be The Uneducated Idiot Tough Guys.
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I never went bungee jumping. The closest I did was I was born.
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I used to get bummed out when it rained then I realized that it's God's way of washing off hippies.
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I think there's a difference between making comedy and reporting comedy. When you're a joke teller you can easily fall into the second, you can show up and just say the jokes.
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Artistically, I find jokes really satisfying aesthetically, because there's something great about getting an idea down to a sentence or two.
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Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.
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Futon World - a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.
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I've never read an article of clothing.
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I am what I eat. And I am this especially when I bite my nails.
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Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the book store i just flip to the about the author section. I'm like, Done, next!
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Socrates became a trendsetter. Other philosophers, including Plato and Aristotle and Gus, quickly followed suit, dropping their last names too. And, for centuries after that there would be countless imitators including oltaire, Michelangelo, and, much later, Cher.
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The shortest distance between two idiots is a conga line.
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Whenever I investigate a smell, I find that the answer is always bad. It's never: 'What is that? *sniff* muffins!'
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REGARDING THE MARCHING BAND: How much more interesting it would be to see a creeping band.
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