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I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Sound
Someone
Think
Thinking
Bongos
Favorite
Playing

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A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.
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One thing you never hear is Man that guy is good at badminton.
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I can tell how lonely I am by how easily I'm fooled by a mannequin in a store.
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To look like you are a real sports fan, when there is a game on TV just yell, Oh, come on! every now and then at the TV.
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And as far as actors go, Peter Sellers is my all-time favorite.
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Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.
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Sometimes if I really want to get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with something like, I'm not racist, but... I say, I'm not racist, but you look great today. They say, That wasn't racist at all. I said, I know. I said I'm not racist. You never listen. Typical Mexican.
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As a comic, I think I'm very verbally oriented about a lot of the stuff that I've written or thought up and how I say it.
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Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.
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To get strangers to hate you even faster, crank up the volume on that very interesting ringtone of yours.
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My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.
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A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.
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It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as I get older, I start to realize I don't feel that way so much anymore. If you see somebody like you who's doing something, an older version of what you are, it does make you feel like it's more possible.
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I thought I would, you know, go to college, get to law school, finish, and then get a job and work as a lawyer, but that proved to be not a good fit for me.
Demetri Martin
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I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.
Demetri Martin
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I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.
Demetri Martin
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When someone asks you the question 'Are you ticklish' it doesn't matter if you say yes or no, cause they're going to touch you. If someone asks if you're ticklish and you don't want to be touched you should something like 'I have diarrhea, now don't touch me cause you'll make it come out... and yes I'm very ticklish'.
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I've never read an article of clothing.
Demetri Martin
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I am what I eat. And I am this especially when I bite my nails.
Demetri Martin
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For me and most of my friends who are comedians, if you've been doing comedy for a while, your tolerance for things actually moves. I find it very hard to be shocked, and when other people aggressively take offense to something, I'm sometimes confused.
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