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I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Playing
Sound
Someone
Think
Thinking
Bongos
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Automatic paper towel dispensers are a solution to something that was never a problem in the first place.
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I saw a sign that said, 'Watch for children.' I was like, 'That sounds like a fair trade - especially if they're crappy kids.'
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Socrates became a trendsetter. Other philosophers, including Plato and Aristotle and Gus, quickly followed suit, dropping their last names too. And, for centuries after that there would be countless imitators including oltaire, Michelangelo, and, much later, Cher.
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The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door.
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How many of you are creative? I don't know, but for me, when you make a bunch of things over time and then you keep them... you forget. I look through my sketchbooks and I'm an audience for myself.
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Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the book store i just flip to the about the author section. I'm like, Done, next!
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It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.
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Don't talk to strangers. Sure, unless you want to meet anyone ever.
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Fire truck with back end on fire drives really fast in circles.
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Your mind is like a sponge, in the sense that it would come in handy when cleaning off a countertop or something like that.
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I like stand-up. But I'd also like a family and house and a yard. I want to work with a lot of people, have colleagues and on good film sets, there's people there that work with the same people for years and years. I love that collaborative spirit in that medium. Comedy is a lot more solitary.
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Halloween: the day each year when strangers give you even more specific reasons to dislike them based on what they are wearing.
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My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.
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REGARDING THE MARCHING BAND: How much more interesting it would be to see a creeping band.
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If I make my window ten days for stand-up, the conclusion is that I failed and that I'm not good at stand-up. If I make it ten years - if I just wait - the conclusion might be something totally different. I think it's so cool to do things in which you discover the malleability of your own mind.
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You mock those who blindly follow the majority...turn your attention now to those who are so dedicated to deviating from the norm that they would gladly cease breathing if it were suggested to them that inhalation was a form of conformity for they deserve just as much scrutiny and ridicule.
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It would be interesting if Elvis were reincarnated as an Elvis impersonator.
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It is a little ironic that one thing a babysitter should not do is sit on a baby.
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Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.
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Leave no stone unturned in your quest to disrupt a rock garden.
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