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Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Sometimes
Feels
Canceled
Years
Watched
Like
Show
Shows
Three
Remember
Feel

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.
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REGARDING THE MARCHING BAND: How much more interesting it would be to see a creeping band.
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A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a refrigerator starts in a box and then moves to a house.
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I've learned something on the road, traveling around: state shapes. The easier it is to draw the shape of the state, the harder it is to live in that state. So, if you live in a regular polygon, get the hell outta there. You gotta move to a squiggly area. Culture's attracted to squiggles.
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I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.' I said, 'I am.'
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A human head looks the least scary when it is attached.
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I can move objects with my mind, if I use my hands.
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My policy is 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation.'
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I like video games, but they are very violent. I want to create a video game in which you have to help all the characters who have died in the other games. 'Hey, man, what are you playing?' 'Super Busy Hospital. Could you leave me alone? I'm performing surgery! This guy got shot in the head, like, 27 times!'
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Don't talk to strangers. Sure, unless you want to meet anyone ever.
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Why are there not positive mysteries? It's always who stole the diamond, or who killed the butler? How about... who made cookies, somebody cleaned my room.
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Surprise parties are strange 'cause people jump up and they yell the word, 'surprise' at the party. I came home and you emerged from my furniture. You don't have to tell me how to feel. I don't need a hint.
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I don't know if I'll ever be a master at anything, but I think that's a mistake for me personally. I don't know how much it's about the journey, but it's more about the process.
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My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts.
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The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).
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I need to develop some patience - immediately.
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I wasn't the class clown, but I was starting to become the crazy guy at law school, which is the guy who is not so much crazy as annoying.
Demetri Martin
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Separate but equal is terrible for education but it's perfect for eyebrows.
Demetri Martin
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The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience.
Demetri Martin
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It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.
Demetri Martin