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Once I started to look i finally began to see.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Began
Finally
Started
Look
Looks
More quotes by Demetri Martin
I go the gym and I try to run on the treadmill and I listen to music but it doesn't motivate me enough. So I'm going to get a recording of a pack of wolves gaining on me. People would be like, 'Why is that guy crying on that treadmill over there?' 'I don't know, but he's been yelling, 'help' for like 20 minutes. He's getting a good workout.
Demetri Martin
Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the book store i just flip to the about the author section. I'm like, Done, next!
Demetri Martin
It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.
Demetri Martin
Stand-up is like a row boat: it's fun and romantic when you're choosing to do it. But if you have no other choice than to be in a row boat it's not as enjoyable that's survival.
Demetri Martin
I just listen to so much music that I like the role music can play in scoring something. I'm not doing song parodies or funny songs, I'm just adding some music to my words. So it's limited and specific, but as a performer I find it pretty enjoyable.
Demetri Martin
Usually, I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down.
Demetri Martin
Now I got a time machine at home. It only goes foreword at regular speed. It's essentially a cardboard box and on the outside I wrote time machine in sharpie.
Demetri Martin
I wasn't the class clown, but I was starting to become the crazy guy at law school, which is the guy who is not so much crazy as annoying.
Demetri Martin
Mosquito bites Jesus, receives communion.
Demetri Martin
I believe in empathy. When religion provides that for people, it's the best thing in the world.
Demetri Martin
It's Thursday and it really feels like a Thursday. Sometimes things just work out.
Demetri Martin
I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.
Demetri Martin
If I make my window ten days for stand-up, the conclusion is that I failed and that I'm not good at stand-up. If I make it ten years - if I just wait - the conclusion might be something totally different. I think it's so cool to do things in which you discover the malleability of your own mind.
Demetri Martin
Sometimes it looks like I'm dancing, but it's just that I walked into a spider web.
Demetri Martin
REGARDING THE MARCHING BAND: How much more interesting it would be to see a creeping band.
Demetri Martin
It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as I get older, I start to realize I don't feel that way so much anymore. If you see somebody like you who's doing something, an older version of what you are, it does make you feel like it's more possible.
Demetri Martin
I wanna design a video game where you'd have to take care of all the people shot in all the other video games.
Demetri Martin
The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door.
Demetri Martin
When a Dalmatian sees a cow he must be like, 'What the hell happened to him? I am high right now. That dalmatian is fat and smeary.' When the cow sees the Dalmatian he must be like, 'He looks amazing. I am so out of shape, this is ridiculous. My tits are on the ground here.
Demetri Martin
I saw a sign that said, 'Watch for children.' I was like, 'That sounds like a fair trade - especially if they're crappy kids.'
Demetri Martin