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Once I started to look i finally began to see.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Began
Finally
Started
Look
Looks

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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When there's someone who's dead and then someone does something that that person would not have liked, they say that that person is spinning in their grave. But I don't understand why they say that. Why is spinning the way that a corpse shows disapproval?
Demetri Martin
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I think it would be worse to get mauled by a dancing bear than just a regular bear because you can't totally blame the dancing bear.
Demetri Martin
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A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.
Demetri Martin
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I'm so secretive that when someone asks me, Hey, can you keep a secret? I say That's none of your business.
Demetri Martin
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I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, 'Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.' The paper I used said, 'Happy Birthday.' I didn't want to waste it, so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
Demetri Martin
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When I am given a multiple choice test I choose not to take it.
Demetri Martin
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Canoe plus waterfall equals I don't go camping anymore.
Demetri Martin
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When people show me pictures of their kids, it's okay. But when I give them a picture of me, to show to their kids, I'm weird. What kind of one way street is that?
Demetri Martin
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A parade looks like a bunch of people are excited about being in traffic.
Demetri Martin
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I am everything and I am nothing. I am just kidding I am not everything and nothing. That would be ridiculous. I am just everything.
Demetri Martin
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The sofa is the enemy of productivity.
Demetri Martin
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When I first heard the term 'training bra,' I was freaked out. I was pretty young and I said, 'Did you just say training bra? They're training their chests? I had no idea.' See some lady, her boobs are everywhere. 'What's her deal?' Those are untrained titties.
Demetri Martin
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Overheard today in restaurant: Can you stop listening to our conversation?
Demetri Martin
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I remember when I used to be really into nostalgia.
Demetri Martin
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You are ten times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you.
Demetri Martin
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I can move objects with my mind, if I use my hands.
Demetri Martin
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When watering your plants, try to talk to them - say something like, Hold it right there and then shoot them with water gun.
Demetri Martin
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I got into stand up just to do stand up because I love stand up.
Demetri Martin
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My policy is 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation.'
Demetri Martin
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I just listen to so much music that I like the role music can play in scoring something. I'm not doing song parodies or funny songs, I'm just adding some music to my words. So it's limited and specific, but as a performer I find it pretty enjoyable.
Demetri Martin