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You never forget your first kiss. And that's what makes it so hard to forgive my uncle.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
First
Uncles
Hard
Forgive
Never
Kiss
Forgiving
Kissing
Forget
Makes
Firsts
Uncle
More quotes by Demetri Martin
Small businesses are important, but so are tiny businesses.
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Don't talk to strangers. Sure, unless you want to meet anyone ever.
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I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming.
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I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down. Then, at night, I say the thought to people through a microphone. I don't think about politics or pop culture very much, so those thoughts don't often make it to the microphone.
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There's a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I like that name, 'Futon World.' Makes me think of a magical place that gets less and less comfortable over time.
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A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you.'
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They say it's lonely at the top. It must be even lonelier at the tippy top.
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I'm so secretive that when someone asks me, Hey, can you keep a secret? I say That's none of your business.
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I don't know if I'll ever be a master at anything, but I think that's a mistake for me personally. I don't know how much it's about the journey, but it's more about the process.
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As soon as I jumped out of the airplane, I realized I had forgotten my parachute. Thank God we were still on the runway.
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Whenever I throw caution to the wind I make sure I'm facing the right way so that it doesn't blow back and hit me in my face.
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If only loud people were even half as interesting as they think they are.
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I think it would be worse to get mauled by a dancing bear than just a regular bear because you can't totally blame the dancing bear.
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Canoe plus waterfall equals I don't go camping anymore.
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I think it's cool when an ex-girlfriend becomes an XL girlfriend.
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Stand-up is like a row boat: it's fun and romantic when you're choosing to do it. But if you have no other choice than to be in a row boat it's not as enjoyable that's survival.
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I can tell how lonely I am by how easily I'm fooled by a mannequin in a store.
Demetri Martin
If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil give something to panic and wave you arms around and scream about.
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I didn't do improv in college, I never performed, I didn't do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major.
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I saw a transvestite wearing a T-shirt that said 'Guess'.
Demetri Martin