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You never forget your first kiss. And that's what makes it so hard to forgive my uncle.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Forget
Makes
Firsts
Uncle
First
Uncles
Hard
Forgive
Never
Kiss
Forgiving
Kissing
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Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron.
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Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.
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As a comic, I think I'm very verbally oriented about a lot of the stuff that I've written or thought up and how I say it.
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I have an erratic drummer for anybody who's just listening to this, he can keep time, but just in spurts.
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The earth without art is just eh.
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I learned this summer that peeing in the pool and peeing INTO the pool are very different things. Location, Location, Location.
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Popcorn is one of the only situations in which you eat the result of an explosion.
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It is a little ironic that one thing a babysitter should not do is sit on a baby.
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Surprise parties are strange 'cause people jump up and they yell the word, 'surprise' at the party. I came home and you emerged from my furniture. You don't have to tell me how to feel. I don't need a hint.
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I wanna design a video game where you'd have to take care of all the people shot in all the other video games.
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Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the book store i just flip to the about the author section. I'm like, Done, next!
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How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.
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When there's someone who's dead and then someone does something that that person would not have liked, they say that that person is spinning in their grave. But I don't understand why they say that. Why is spinning the way that a corpse shows disapproval?
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I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.
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I was a good student when I was a kid, and I did everything I was supposed to do, and I got A's.
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I like shorter jokes. I like fewer words. I think the more ideas there are the, the fewer words there should be.
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I think it would be frustrating to be a match maker. What do you do? I'm a match maker Aw, that's really romantic No, umm... I actually... never mind
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What's this about rice milk? I didn't even know rice had nipples!
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Automatic paper towel dispensers are a solution to something that was never a problem in the first place.
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I never went bungee jumping. The closest I did was I was born.
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