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Turtles are greater than baby nephews, because it's ok to drop a turtle.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Turtle
Nephew
Turtles
Drop
Baby
Greater
Nephews
More quotes by Demetri Martin
I just found out that I have more allies than America!
Demetri Martin
I am a comedian but it's usually not a compliment to be called a prop comedian but I guess I sometimes use props. And I always confuse humorist with comedian. That's strange.
Demetri Martin
It seems that man's greatest natural enemy is the target.
Demetri Martin
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
Demetri Martin
It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.
Demetri Martin
Now I got a time machine at home. It only goes foreword at regular speed. It's essentially a cardboard box and on the outside I wrote time machine in sharpie.
Demetri Martin
I don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See Front.
Demetri Martin
REGARDING THE MARCHING BAND: How much more interesting it would be to see a creeping band.
Demetri Martin
It would be interesting if Elvis were reincarnated as an Elvis impersonator.
Demetri Martin
I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.
Demetri Martin
It's not enough to say I'm sorry. You have to also mean it. It's the same with saying I'm single.
Demetri Martin
I like playing frisbee. It is the only sport where you can throw something at a person and it's okay.
Demetri Martin
I just started doing this one-man show, and I wanted to be able to score it, so I bought a guitar, and got a keyboard and got a harmonica. I remember when I started that I didn't understand why a harmonica had different letters on them.
Demetri Martin
A human head looks the least scary when it is attached.
Demetri Martin
It's Thursday and it really feels like a Thursday. Sometimes things just work out.
Demetri Martin
I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever they hate. And it's like, Okay. That's your opinion. Somebody liked it, so that's good. Hopefully it balances out.
Demetri Martin
I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.
Demetri Martin
I am sometimes referred to as Excuse Me in an annoyed tone of voice, because apparently I am in the way. I am so sorry. I am supposed to be some sort of mind reader, I guess. I am moving out of the way now as slowly as I possibly can. I am doing this and there's nothing you can do about it.
Demetri Martin
Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.
Demetri Martin
The key to life is balance, especially if you are on a ledge.
Demetri Martin
