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Turtles are greater than baby nephews, because it's ok to drop a turtle.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Nephew
Turtles
Drop
Baby
Greater
Nephews
Turtle
More quotes by Demetri Martin
Small businesses are important, but so are tiny businesses.
Demetri Martin
Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks.
Demetri Martin
I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.
Demetri Martin
Popcorn is one of the only situations in which you eat the result of an explosion.
Demetri Martin
Sometimes if I really want to get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with something like, I'm not racist, but... I say, I'm not racist, but you look great today. They say, That wasn't racist at all. I said, I know. I said I'm not racist. You never listen. Typical Mexican.
Demetri Martin
I don't know if I'll ever be a master at anything, but I think that's a mistake for me personally. I don't know how much it's about the journey, but it's more about the process.
Demetri Martin
I got into stand up just to do stand up because I love stand up.
Demetri Martin
Futon World - a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.
Demetri Martin
I think it would be worse to get mauled by a dancing bear than just a regular bear because you can't totally blame the dancing bear.
Demetri Martin
One of the most difficult and ironic murder weapons is the life jacket.
Demetri Martin
I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.
Demetri Martin
I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.
Demetri Martin
It is a little ironic that one thing a babysitter should not do is sit on a baby.
Demetri Martin
I love bowling almost as much as I love not bowling.
Demetri Martin
If I were blind, I'd wear a blindfold all the time.
Demetri Martin
Americans who do not celebrate Independence Day: pets.
Demetri Martin
I want to make a revolving door that says 'Pull' on it, just see how obedient people are.
Demetri Martin
My friend named his car. And I don't want to be judgemental, but... what a dork.
Demetri Martin
Planning trip around the globe, that is in my room.
Demetri Martin
How many of you are creative? I don't know, but for me, when you make a bunch of things over time and then you keep them... you forget. I look through my sketchbooks and I'm an audience for myself.
Demetri Martin
