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Turtles are greater than baby nephews, because it's ok to drop a turtle.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Baby
Greater
Nephews
Turtle
Nephew
Turtles
Drop
More quotes by Demetri Martin
You get really disillusioned, because you thought you were in love. But you realize that you're just alone.
Demetri Martin
Why are there not positive mysteries? It's always who stole the diamond, or who killed the butler? How about... who made cookies, somebody cleaned my room.
Demetri Martin
I am what I eat. And I am this especially when I bite my nails.
Demetri Martin
I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.
Demetri Martin
To remove blood stains from your conscience try frozen margaritas.
Demetri Martin
Coffee is like a bra. 3 cups is one too many.
Demetri Martin
A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a refrigerator starts in a box and then moves to a house.
Demetri Martin
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast.
Demetri Martin
When someone shows you a picture of their kids what they don't want to hear is Oh, yeah, I got pictures of your kid too.
Demetri Martin
Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.
Demetri Martin
Whenever I throw caution to the wind I make sure I'm facing the right way so that it doesn't blow back and hit me in my face.
Demetri Martin
I wonder if there were any goths in gothic times. They're like: You look completely appropriate. You don't look stupid or lonely at all.
Demetri Martin
I saw a transvestite wearing a T-shirt that said 'Guess'.
Demetri Martin
I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.
Demetri Martin
I think it would be worse to get mauled by a dancing bear than just a regular bear because you can't totally blame the dancing bear.
Demetri Martin
I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.
Demetri Martin
I was seeing this girl and she wanted to get more serious. But I wasn't ready to, I had just gotten out of a difficult relationship before that. So I said to her, 'Listen, you have to understand something. Relationships are like eyebrows. It's better when there's a space between them.' And that's coming from a Greek guy.
Demetri Martin
I never set out to do a sketch show.
Demetri Martin
For me and most of my friends who are comedians, if you've been doing comedy for a while, your tolerance for things actually moves. I find it very hard to be shocked, and when other people aggressively take offense to something, I'm sometimes confused.
Demetri Martin
I think it's cool when an ex-girlfriend becomes an XL girlfriend.
Demetri Martin
