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I love bowling almost as much as I love not bowling.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Bowling
Almost
Much
Love

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I wonder if there were any goths in gothic times. They're like: You look completely appropriate. You don't look stupid or lonely at all.
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I've heard of many chocoholics, but I ain't never seen no chocohol. We got an epidemic, people: people who like chocolate but don't understand word endings. They're probably over-workaholled.
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A lot of things look cooler in slow motion. Eating isn't one of them.
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Timing is everything. That's a cliche. Now. If I'd said that a long time ago, I'd have been original.
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The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast.
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I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
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I wasn't the class clown, but I was starting to become the crazy guy at law school, which is the guy who is not so much crazy as annoying.
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Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the book store i just flip to the about the author section. I'm like, Done, next!
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A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.
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A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.
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I like to stand near ATM machines, and when somebody types in their pin number, I go, 'Got it!' And then I run away.
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Everybody knew that you should never provoke a rattlesnake, much less tie it into a bow. But that didn't stop Judd. What did stop him was the rattlesnake.
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I was eating some candy and looked on the wrapper, and it said made from natural and artificial flavors. You could just say flavors.
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Sometimes it looks like I'm dancing, but it's just that I walked into a spider web.
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The key to life is balance, especially if you are on a ledge.
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I never went bungee jumping. The closest I did was I was born.
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I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.
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I learned this summer that peeing in the pool and peeing INTO the pool are very different things. Location, Location, Location.
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I got into stand up just to do stand up because I love stand up.
Demetri Martin
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When I trip, I feel like that's the world saying come here for a second. It just pulls me closer for a second, yeah what do you want? I just want to remind you that you're uncoordinated. I'm aware of that, thank you... can I go now? Yeah, you can go, but never ever try to outrun me. Ok, world, see you later. Yeah, I'll see you in about 50 years.
Demetri Martin