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The key to life is balance, especially if you are on a ledge.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Ledge
Ledges
Keys
Balance
Especially
Life

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Brought to you by raising your voice. The next best thing to being right.
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I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.
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Don't forget to turn your clocks back today if you don't want your clocks to be set to the right time.
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The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
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I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, 'Looks like you're writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, you'll get more money.'
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Whenever I throw caution to the wind I make sure I'm facing the right way so that it doesn't blow back and hit me in my face.
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I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever they hate. And it's like, Okay. That's your opinion. Somebody liked it, so that's good. Hopefully it balances out.
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It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.
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When I am given a multiple choice test I choose not to take it.
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Cotton candy is the perfect snack for when I'm in the mood to eat dry, scratchy fabric.
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I want to get the joke to work without having to put any words or to say anything. I just want the person to look at it, and quietly in their brain, they can just put it together and say, Cool, that one works.
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I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.
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Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.
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My friend named his car. And I don't want to be judgemental, but... what a dork.
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Sometimes if I really want to get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with something like, I'm not racist, but... I say, I'm not racist, but you look great today. They say, That wasn't racist at all. I said, I know. I said I'm not racist. You never listen. Typical Mexican.
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I just found out that I have more allies than America!
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A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a refrigerator starts in a box and then moves to a house.
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I bought a new pair of pajamas with pockets, which is great, cause now i don't have to hold things when I sleep.
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I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.
Demetri Martin
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One thing you never hear is Man that guy is good at badminton.
Demetri Martin