Quote

I was eating some candy and looked on the wrapper, and it said made from natural and artificial flavors. You could just say flavors.

Demetri Martin

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TAGS & TOPICS

Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Flavor
Candy
Artificial
Looked
Eating
Natural
Made
Wrapper
Flavors

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts.
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I'm a body builder, but I don't use weights. I use snacks. It's kind of a different building process.
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Timing is everything. That's a cliche. Now. If I'd said that a long time ago, I'd have been original.
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A sports bar is a way to take a bar and fill it with even more annoying people than usual.
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I still like paper books. Like, book is a flammable object. After you read it, you could use it to get warm. Or it could become a pile of napkins.
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I live in New York and there are a lot of famous... pizzerias in my neighborhood, it's really hard to find one that isn't famous. Which sucks sometimes, you know what I mean, sometimes I don't want all that glitz and glamour, I just want something delicious, you know? I don't need a celebrity in my mouth, Ray's Up And Coming Pizza would be fine.
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My family was fine, it's just a different way of going about life. Creativity was not something that was isolated and identified and valued.
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I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.
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A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a refrigerator starts in a box and then moves to a house.
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They say that structure is freedom, and in a sense it is. When you're dealing with multiple constraints, you have to figure out what you can get out of that.
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I am a man of my word… and that word is “unreliable.
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The shortest distance between two idiots is a conga line.
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One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're not it does just the opposite. It's like, 'Hey, there's an asshole.'
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When someone asks you the question 'Are you ticklish' it doesn't matter if you say yes or no, cause they're going to touch you. If someone asks if you're ticklish and you don't want to be touched you should something like 'I have diarrhea, now don't touch me cause you'll make it come out... and yes I'm very ticklish'.
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As soon as I jumped out of the airplane, I realized I had forgotten my parachute. Thank God we were still on the runway.
Demetri Martin
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I like birthdays because we celebrate life with cakes. It's so cool. Sometimes when I see a baby, I'm like that much more cake in the world. But then when someone dies, I'm like the cake streak is over.
Demetri Martin
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I didn't do improv in college, I never performed, I didn't do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major.
Demetri Martin
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My friend says touche way too much. He's a touche bag.
Demetri Martin
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I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.
Demetri Martin
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Socrates became a trendsetter. Other philosophers, including Plato and Aristotle and Gus, quickly followed suit, dropping their last names too. And, for centuries after that there would be countless imitators including oltaire, Michelangelo, and, much later, Cher.
Demetri Martin