Quote

I was eating some candy and looked on the wrapper, and it said made from natural and artificial flavors. You could just say flavors.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Looked
Eating
Natural
Made
Wrapper
Flavors
Flavor
Candy
Artificial

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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It's hard to know what's gay in life. Boxing. That's two men fighting over a belt.
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If I think of a joke that's really dirty and I think it's funny I'll try it but what I've found over the years is they just don't laugh. It doesn't work coming out of my mouth so it's like they taught me 'don't do that. Don't go that way or you'll lose me.'
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I saw a sign that said, 'Watch for children.' I was like, 'That sounds like a fair trade - especially if they're crappy kids.'
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I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.
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If you stretched the average person's intestines out from end to end, it would make them scream a lot.
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I equals all of the ifs added up over time. The ifs, those are the possibilities that's infinite for all of us. Every day there are just millions of them. Time, that's finite for each of us there is no question there. Maybe if you divide choices by the amount of time you have, the real I can emerge, depending upon those choices.
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REGARDING THE MARCHING BAND: How much more interesting it would be to see a creeping band.
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You get really disillusioned, because you thought you were in love. But you realize that you're just alone.
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A sports bar is a way to take a bar and fill it with even more annoying people than usual.
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A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.
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When I am given a multiple choice test I choose not to take it.
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It would be interesting if Elvis were reincarnated as an Elvis impersonator.
Demetri Martin
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I think there are so many little hurdles and impediments with stand-up that you'd need to have this insane desire to do it if you didn't have something that clicked right away.
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I've often liked a girl, made her laugh, and thought she liked me, and then found out that she didn't like me that way. I've definitely done time in the friend zone.
Demetri Martin
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Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.
Demetri Martin
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When there's someone who's dead and then someone does something that that person would not have liked, they say that that person is spinning in their grave. But I don't understand why they say that. Why is spinning the way that a corpse shows disapproval?
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Americans who do not celebrate Independence Day: pets.
Demetri Martin
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99.99% of all castles in America are located in fish tanks.
Demetri Martin
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I would like to have windshield wipers that do the whole windshield, please.
Demetri Martin
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I bought a dictionary. First thing I did was, I looked up the word dictionary, and it said you're an asshole.
Demetri Martin