Quote

I was eating some candy and looked on the wrapper, and it said made from natural and artificial flavors. You could just say flavors.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Natural
Made
Wrapper
Flavors
Flavor
Candy
Artificial
Looked
Eating

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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When I first heard the term 'training bra,' I was freaked out. I was pretty young and I said, 'Did you just say training bra? They're training their chests? I had no idea.' See some lady, her boobs are everywhere. 'What's her deal?' Those are untrained titties.
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I saw a transvestite wearing a T-shirt that said 'Guess'.
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Do you have any Greek in you? That was just a tactful way of asking if you're pregnant. If you're not, then let's break up.
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I find that a shirt is most similar to a napkin when I don't have a napkin.
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I got into stand up just to do stand up because I love stand up.
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It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.
Demetri Martin
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I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.
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Mosquito bites Jesus, receives communion.
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Man is the most powerful creature on the planet. And we're arrogant. I mean, people own birds. It's like, there's a creature with the gift of flight. I want it. I'm going to put it in my kitchen and make it crap on old information.
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I can tell how lonely I am by how easily I'm fooled by a mannequin in a store.
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The shortest distance between two idiots is a conga line.
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If I make my window ten days for stand-up, the conclusion is that I failed and that I'm not good at stand-up. If I make it ten years - if I just wait - the conclusion might be something totally different. I think it's so cool to do things in which you discover the malleability of your own mind.
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REGARDING THE MARCHING BAND: How much more interesting it would be to see a creeping band.
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Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
Demetri Martin
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If you stretched the average person's intestines out from end to end, it would make them scream a lot.
Demetri Martin
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It seems that man's greatest natural enemy is the target.
Demetri Martin
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How to be a bouncer: be an asshole stand near a door.
Demetri Martin
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Americans who do not celebrate Independence Day: pets.
Demetri Martin
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When I am at rodeo I find it difficult not to root for the animals.
Demetri Martin
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I'm very hip-oriented. I focus on hips in my comedy - probably more than any other hipster comic who is out there hipping today. My hips, other hips. I work with my hips a great deal. That is what I do. But not in a gay way.
Demetri Martin