Quote

What's this about rice milk? I didn't even know rice had nipples!

Demetri Martin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Milk
Didn
Even
Nipples
Rice

More quotes by Demetri Martin

Image
It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.
Demetri Martin
Image
It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.
Demetri Martin
Image
I am sometimes referred to as Excuse Me in an annoyed tone of voice, because apparently I am in the way. I am so sorry. I am supposed to be some sort of mind reader, I guess. I am moving out of the way now as slowly as I possibly can. I am doing this and there's nothing you can do about it.
Demetri Martin
Image
Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.
Demetri Martin
Image
The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience.
Demetri Martin
Image
I need to develop some patience - immediately.
Demetri Martin
Image
Coffee is like a bra. 3 cups is one too many.
Demetri Martin
Image
Never forget where you came from. That's what I think when I walk into a cave.
Demetri Martin
Image
The chances of someone who looks like Jesus having pot raises steadily, to a point. If the guy is on a cross you may have the wrong guy.
Demetri Martin
Image
I'm so secretive that when someone asks me, Hey, can you keep a secret? I say That's none of your business.
Demetri Martin
Image
My friend says touche way too much. He's a touche bag.
Demetri Martin
Image
At any minute, I am four minutes from a poncho.
Demetri Martin
Image
If you want to dry hump someone you don't know, just act like they were choking.
Demetri Martin
Image
When you're wearing an animal costume and something bad happens, your facial expression doesn't change. The animal is deadpan the whole time. If you're skiing in a gorilla suit and you fall, you just see a gorilla who has no emotion. It's just a stoic gorilla, wildly falling down a hill, out of control.
Demetri Martin
Image
I got some new pajamas with pockets in 'em. Which is great, because before that, I used to have to hold stuff when I slept. But now I'm like, 'Where's my planner? There it is. Keep sleeping. All right, perfect.'
Demetri Martin
Image
I think a lot of people who watch TV don't realize when they're watch TV shows and it says 'produced by' and producer, producer... there are all these producers. What the hell does a producer do? It's funny how much you have to worry about as a producer.
Demetri Martin
Image
Count your blessings, but not out-loud, at the top of your lungs.
Demetri Martin
Image
Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.
Demetri Martin
Image
I'm always excited to try something I haven't done.
Demetri Martin
Image
To remove blood stains from your conscience try frozen margaritas.
Demetri Martin