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Last week I lost my temper in my karate class. Man, I'm not doing that again until I'm a black belt. Because I can tell you there's a difference between taking karate and receiving karate.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Differences
Karate
Class
Belt
Lasts
Belts
Last
Receiving
Black
Temper
Difference
Lost
Taking
Tell
Week
Men
More quotes by Demetri Martin
Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks.
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I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.
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When I am given a multiple choice test I choose not to take it.
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The difference between a child's toy and an adult toy is: location, location, location.
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Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron.
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I am everything and I am nothing. I am just kidding I am not everything and nothing. That would be ridiculous. I am just everything.
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Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.
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I bought a dictionary. First thing I did was, I looked up the word dictionary, and it said you're an asshole.
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Man is the most powerful creature on the planet. And we're arrogant. I mean, people own birds. It's like, there's a creature with the gift of flight. I want it. I'm going to put it in my kitchen and make it crap on old information.
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People only mention it's a free country if they're doing something shitty.
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I wonder if, as a society, we will ever be able to call someone a jive tofurkey.
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I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.' I said, 'I am.'
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At any minute, I am four minutes from a poncho.
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I think if I pick the right thing to spend my time doing, then time moves differently, because I really can get fully immersed in things and feel very alive and challenged, but in a good way. I feel a sense of progress.
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I like when people wear a WWJD bracelet, because it's like an example of the first thing Jesus wouldn't do, probably.
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I was seeing this girl and she wanted to get more serious. But I wasn't ready to, I had just gotten out of a difficult relationship before that. So I said to her, 'Listen, you have to understand something. Relationships are like eyebrows. It's better when there's a space between them.' And that's coming from a Greek guy.
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I got into stand up just to do stand up because I love stand up.
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Easy way to make someone sound less powerful, just put DJ in front of their name... ..DJ Abraham Lincoln
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I think there's a difference between making comedy and reporting comedy. When you're a joke teller you can easily fall into the second, you can show up and just say the jokes.
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I am a man of my word… and that word is “unreliable.
Demetri Martin
