Quote

Last week I lost my temper in my karate class. Man, I'm not doing that again until I'm a black belt. Because I can tell you there's a difference between taking karate and receiving karate.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Lost
Difference
Tell
Taking
Men
Week
Differences
Karate
Class
Belt
Lasts
Belts
Last
Receiving
Black
Temper

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They say that structure is freedom, and in a sense it is. When you're dealing with multiple constraints, you have to figure out what you can get out of that.
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I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down. Then, at night, I say the thought to people through a microphone. I don't think about politics or pop culture very much, so those thoughts don't often make it to the microphone.
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For me and most of my friends who are comedians, if you've been doing comedy for a while, your tolerance for things actually moves. I find it very hard to be shocked, and when other people aggressively take offense to something, I'm sometimes confused.
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My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.
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A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a refrigerator starts in a box and then moves to a house.
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It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.
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If I think of a joke that's really dirty and I think it's funny I'll try it but what I've found over the years is they just don't laugh. It doesn't work coming out of my mouth so it's like they taught me 'don't do that. Don't go that way or you'll lose me.'
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I remember when I used to be really into nostalgia.
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Do you have any Greek in you? That was just a tactful way of asking if you're pregnant. If you're not, then let's break up.
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Halloween: the day each year when strangers give you even more specific reasons to dislike them based on what they are wearing.
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I still like paper books. Like, book is a flammable object. After you read it, you could use it to get warm. Or it could become a pile of napkins.
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You never forget your first kiss. And that's what makes it so hard to forgive my uncle.
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I wanna buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together.
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I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.
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