Quote

A sports bar is a way to take a bar and fill it with even more annoying people than usual.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Way
People
Annoying
Usual
Fill
Bars
Sports
Take
Even

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I like to stand near ATM machines, and when somebody types in their pin number, I go, 'Got it!' And then I run away.
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You mock those who blindly follow the majority...turn your attention now to those who are so dedicated to deviating from the norm that they would gladly cease breathing if it were suggested to them that inhalation was a form of conformity for they deserve just as much scrutiny and ridicule.
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I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.
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I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes.
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It is impossible for a cyclops to wink.
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Sometimes if I really want to get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with something like, I'm not racist, but... I say, I'm not racist, but you look great today. They say, That wasn't racist at all. I said, I know. I said I'm not racist. You never listen. Typical Mexican.
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I never set out to do a sketch show.
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I find that a shirt is most similar to a napkin when I don't have a napkin.
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Statistics indicate that the average American is a guy named Brian who lives in Ohio.
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Popcorn is one of the only situations in which you eat the result of an explosion.
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When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding.
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How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.
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