Quote

A sports bar is a way to take a bar and fill it with even more annoying people than usual.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Way
People
Annoying
Usual
Fill
Bars
Sports
Take
Even

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If I were blind, I'd wear a blindfold all the time.
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I got myself a really nice nib pen, with like 15 kinds of India Ink, and tons of different nibs I think I was just procrastinating, like, once I have the right nib, the book is just going to jump right out of my fingertips... but then it just ended up looking like the shitty drawings that I usually do.
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If only loud people were even half as interesting as they think they are.
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A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.
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This is a pie chart about procrastination.
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I'm not a lawmaker, but I was thinking that if you have a really loud ring tone, maybe you should be stabbed in the ear?
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I like parties, but I don't like piñatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. Hey, there's a donkey with some pizzazz. Let's kick its ass.
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I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, 'Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.' The paper I used said, 'Happy Birthday.' I didn't want to waste it, so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
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It's hard to know what's gay in life. Boxing. That's two men fighting over a belt.
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The difference between a child's toy and an adult toy is: location, location, location.
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I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.
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I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.
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They say that structure is freedom, and in a sense it is. When you're dealing with multiple constraints, you have to figure out what you can get out of that.
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How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.
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Timing is everything. That's a cliche. Now. If I'd said that a long time ago, I'd have been original.
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I am a ceiling fan, especially during rain.
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