Quote

I like to stand near ATM machines, and when somebody types in their pin number, I go, 'Got it!' And then I run away.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Type
Numbers
Somebody
Atm
Stand
Pins
Running
Types
Away
Near
Like
Machines
Number

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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It is impossible for a cyclops to wink.
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I don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See Front.
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I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude.' 'Dude, these are isotopes.' 'Dude, we removed your kidney. You're gonna be fine.' 'Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies.'
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If you want to dry hump someone you don't know, just act like they were choking.
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A jerk on a motorcycle is equal to a leaf, because I find it beautiful when these things fall.
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A good name for a gang would be The Uneducated Idiot Tough Guys.
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Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. I like to draw and play music, so sometimes I do those things along with the jokes.
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I still like paper books. Like, book is a flammable object. After you read it, you could use it to get warm. Or it could become a pile of napkins.
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I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.
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I want to make a revolving door that says 'Pull' on it, just see how obedient people are.
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Artistically, I find jokes really satisfying aesthetically, because there's something great about getting an idea down to a sentence or two.
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One time I saw an old man in a hurry and I thought, 'That makes sense.'
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Sometimes if I really want to get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with something like, I'm not racist, but... I say, I'm not racist, but you look great today. They say, That wasn't racist at all. I said, I know. I said I'm not racist. You never listen. Typical Mexican.
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There are very few songs about just liking someone as a friend.
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Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.
Demetri Martin
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A cool tattoo design is any drawing that would also look good saggy.
Demetri Martin
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It's interesting to be an adult and to have that level of ignorance about something, because the nice part about is you get that discovery. The learning curve is so rich and steep.
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I'm not a lawmaker, but I was thinking that if you have a really loud ring tone, maybe you should be stabbed in the ear?
Demetri Martin
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A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.
Demetri Martin
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I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.
Demetri Martin