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I like to stand near ATM machines, and when somebody types in their pin number, I go, 'Got it!' And then I run away.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Away
Near
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Machines
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Type
Numbers
Somebody
Atm
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Pins
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More quotes by Demetri Martin
A good name for a gang would be The Uneducated Idiot Tough Guys.
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I'm a body builder, but I don't use weights. I use snacks. It's kind of a different building process.
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I wanna put stickers on turtles... I don't know why.
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I like parties, but I don't like piñatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. Hey, there's a donkey with some pizzazz. Let's kick its ass.
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Dogs seem more photogenic than cats. In photos most cats look like sociopaths.
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I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.
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If I were blind, I'd wear a blindfold all the time.
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It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.
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If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil give something to panic and wave you arms around and scream about.
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I just listen to so much music that I like the role music can play in scoring something. I'm not doing song parodies or funny songs, I'm just adding some music to my words. So it's limited and specific, but as a performer I find it pretty enjoyable.
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A sports bar is a way to take a bar and fill it with even more annoying people than usual.
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I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.
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I want to launch a globe into space just to mess with the astronauts.
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My friend named his car. And I don't want to be judgemental, but... what a dork.
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I don't know what the long form of OK is. I wanna think it's okie dokie. 'I'm okie dokie. I'm a little shaken up, but I'm okie dokie.' 'The good news is, she's okie dokie. The surgery went fine.'
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I never set out to do a sketch show.
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I was eating some candy and looked on the wrapper, and it said made from natural and artificial flavors. You could just say flavors.
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One time I saw an old man in a hurry and I thought, 'That makes sense.'
Demetri Martin
I love bowling almost as much as I love not bowling.
Demetri Martin
As soon as I jumped out of the airplane, I realized I had forgotten my parachute. Thank God we were still on the runway.
Demetri Martin
