Quote

Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him. But life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Taught
Called
Actually
Another
Checkers
Men
Queen
Life
Queens
King
Kings

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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Dogs seem more photogenic than cats. In photos most cats look like sociopaths.
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I was on the train the other day, and I heard somebody say, I'm really good at checkers. That's the same thing as saying, I'm not good at very many things.
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I remember when I used to be really into nostalgia.
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I think it would be frustrating to be a match maker. What do you do? I'm a match maker Aw, that's really romantic No, umm... I actually... never mind
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When I first heard the term 'training bra,' I was freaked out. I was pretty young and I said, 'Did you just say training bra? They're training their chests? I had no idea.' See some lady, her boobs are everywhere. 'What's her deal?' Those are untrained titties.
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Sometimes it looks like I'm dancing, but it's just that I walked into a spider web.
Demetri Martin
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It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.
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Never forget where you came from. That's what I think when I walk into a cave.
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I think it's cool when an ex-girlfriend becomes an XL girlfriend.
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When people show me pictures of their kids, it's okay. But when I give them a picture of me, to show to their kids, I'm weird. What kind of one way street is that?
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The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
Demetri Martin
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One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're not it does just the opposite. It's like, 'Hey, there's an asshole.'
Demetri Martin
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Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.
Demetri Martin
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I am sometimes referred to as Excuse Me in an annoyed tone of voice, because apparently I am in the way. I am so sorry. I am supposed to be some sort of mind reader, I guess. I am moving out of the way now as slowly as I possibly can. I am doing this and there's nothing you can do about it.
Demetri Martin
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I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.
Demetri Martin
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I've never read an article of clothing.
Demetri Martin
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Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.
Demetri Martin
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I wish my name started with a comma. That would be so dramatic.
Demetri Martin
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My family was fine, it's just a different way of going about life. Creativity was not something that was isolated and identified and valued.
Demetri Martin
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I like parties, but I don't like piñatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. Hey, there's a donkey with some pizzazz. Let's kick its ass.
Demetri Martin