Quote

Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him. But life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Taught
Called
Actually
Another
Checkers
Men
Queen
Life
Queens
King
Kings

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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Don't talk to strangers. Sure, unless you want to meet anyone ever.
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I wanna buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together.
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If you stretched the average person's intestines out from end to end, it would make them scream a lot.
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I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.
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It is a little ironic that one thing a babysitter should not do is sit on a baby.
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For me and most of my friends who are comedians, if you've been doing comedy for a while, your tolerance for things actually moves. I find it very hard to be shocked, and when other people aggressively take offense to something, I'm sometimes confused.
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When I am given a multiple choice test I choose not to take it.
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Socrates became a trendsetter. Other philosophers, including Plato and Aristotle and Gus, quickly followed suit, dropping their last names too. And, for centuries after that there would be countless imitators including oltaire, Michelangelo, and, much later, Cher.
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I used to get bummed out when it rained then I realized that it's God's way of washing off hippies.
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The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.
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When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.
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It's Thursday and it really feels like a Thursday. Sometimes things just work out.
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Planning trip around the globe, that is in my room.
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I think if I pick the right thing to spend my time doing, then time moves differently, because I really can get fully immersed in things and feel very alive and challenged, but in a good way. I feel a sense of progress.
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If someone throws a pie at your face, just open your mouth really wide and say, 'Thanks for feeding me, a**hole.'
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Man is the most powerful creature on the planet. And we're arrogant. I mean, people own birds. It's like, there's a creature with the gift of flight. I want it. I'm going to put it in my kitchen and make it crap on old information.
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I still like paper books. Like, book is a flammable object. After you read it, you could use it to get warm. Or it could become a pile of napkins.
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Dogs seem more photogenic than cats. In photos most cats look like sociopaths.
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I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.
Demetri Martin
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I want to launch a globe into space just to mess with the astronauts.
Demetri Martin