Quote

When I trip, I feel like that's the world saying come here for a second. It just pulls me closer for a second, yeah what do you want? I just want to remind you that you're uncoordinated. I'm aware of that, thank you... can I go now? Yeah, you can go, but never ever try to outrun me. Ok, world, see you later. Yeah, I'll see you in about 50 years.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Ever
Remind
World
Closer
Come
Thank
Feel
Aware
Feels
Later
Uncoordinated
Trying
Yeah
Outrun
Years
Second
Pulls
Never
Saying
Trip
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I would like to have windshield wipers that do the whole windshield, please.
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When you're wearing an animal costume and something bad happens, your facial expression doesn't change. The animal is deadpan the whole time. If you're skiing in a gorilla suit and you fall, you just see a gorilla who has no emotion. It's just a stoic gorilla, wildly falling down a hill, out of control.
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A jerk on a motorcycle is equal to a leaf, because I find it beautiful when these things fall.
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I was seeing this girl and she wanted to get more serious. But I wasn't ready to, I had just gotten out of a difficult relationship before that. So I said to her, 'Listen, you have to understand something. Relationships are like eyebrows. It's better when there's a space between them.' And that's coming from a Greek guy.
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Yes, okay, it's cool to be quirky, maybe, on the side. Do some puzzles, make puzzles, whatever, learn how to ride a unicycle. That's cool when it's on the side and you have a plan. What happens when you remove the plan? What you're left with is a guy who likes to do anagrams. And doesn't have a job... Sweet, that's a catch.
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Don't forget to turn your clocks back today if you don't want your clocks to be set to the right time.
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I remember when I used to be really into nostalgia.
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I wish my name started with a comma. That would be so dramatic.
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Sometimes it looks like I'm dancing, but it's just that I walked into a spider web.
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I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.
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I find that a shirt is most similar to a napkin when I don't have a napkin.
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When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.
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I was eating some candy and looked on the wrapper, and it said made from natural and artificial flavors. You could just say flavors.
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It is impossible for a cyclops to wink.
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A parade looks like a bunch of people are excited about being in traffic.
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I am a comedian but it's usually not a compliment to be called a prop comedian but I guess I sometimes use props. And I always confuse humorist with comedian. That's strange.
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Socrates became a trendsetter. Other philosophers, including Plato and Aristotle and Gus, quickly followed suit, dropping their last names too. And, for centuries after that there would be countless imitators including oltaire, Michelangelo, and, much later, Cher.
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The sofa is the enemy of productivity.
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When I am given a multiple choice test I choose not to take it.
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