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It's not enough to say I'm sorry. You have to also mean it. It's the same with saying I'm single.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Sorry
Single
Saying
Also
Enough
Mean
More quotes by Demetri Martin
I have an erratic drummer for anybody who's just listening to this, he can keep time, but just in spurts.
Demetri Martin
A good name for a gang would be The Uneducated Idiot Tough Guys.
Demetri Martin
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast.
Demetri Martin
It's always helpful to remember that in the grand scheme of things you are much more important than... um, wait, than... something, maybe.
Demetri Martin
I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, 'Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.' The paper I used said, 'Happy Birthday.' I didn't want to waste it, so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
Demetri Martin
I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.
Demetri Martin
Count your blessings, but not out-loud, at the top of your lungs.
Demetri Martin
A lot of things look cooler in slow motion. Eating isn't one of them.
Demetri Martin
It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as I get older, I start to realize I don't feel that way so much anymore. If you see somebody like you who's doing something, an older version of what you are, it does make you feel like it's more possible.
Demetri Martin
Socrates became a trendsetter. Other philosophers, including Plato and Aristotle and Gus, quickly followed suit, dropping their last names too. And, for centuries after that there would be countless imitators including oltaire, Michelangelo, and, much later, Cher.
Demetri Martin
I just listen to so much music that I like the role music can play in scoring something. I'm not doing song parodies or funny songs, I'm just adding some music to my words. So it's limited and specific, but as a performer I find it pretty enjoyable.
Demetri Martin
The problem with my balloon collection is that people always think there's a party. Settle down. It's not a party. It's just balloons.
Demetri Martin
To look like you are a real sports fan, when there is a game on TV just yell, Oh, come on! every now and then at the TV.
Demetri Martin
People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy.
Demetri Martin
I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.
Demetri Martin
Popcorn is one of the only situations in which you eat the result of an explosion.
Demetri Martin
I think it would be frustrating to be a match maker. What do you do? I'm a match maker Aw, that's really romantic No, umm... I actually... never mind
Demetri Martin
The lord works in mysterious ways. Indeed. And a shorter way to say that is: God is a sneak.
Demetri Martin
I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.
Demetri Martin
Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.
Demetri Martin
