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It's hard to know what's gay in life. Boxing. That's two men fighting over a belt.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Fighting
Two
Hard
Men
Life
Belt
Belts
Boxing
Gay

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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I don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See Front.
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Right now someone out there is struggling and starting to panic because they can't get out of a tempurpedic bed.
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I wasn't the class clown, but I was starting to become the crazy guy at law school, which is the guy who is not so much crazy as annoying.
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One thing you never hear is Man that guy is good at badminton.
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Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.
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I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.
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When there's someone who's dead and then someone does something that that person would not have liked, they say that that person is spinning in their grave. But I don't understand why they say that. Why is spinning the way that a corpse shows disapproval?
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Mosquito bites Jesus, receives communion.
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But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.
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I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.
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If you remove a treehouse from a tree, than it's just a shitty house. Sometimes when i'm in a shitty house, I like to imagine that it's in a tree, than it's like Woah, this house is amazing.
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My friend says touche way too much. He's a touche bag.
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I wonder if there were any goths in gothic times. They're like: You look completely appropriate. You don't look stupid or lonely at all.
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I think it would be worse to get mauled by a dancing bear than just a regular bear because you can't totally blame the dancing bear.
Demetri Martin
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One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're not it does just the opposite. It's like, 'Hey, there's an asshole.'
Demetri Martin
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To get strangers to hate you even faster, crank up the volume on that very interesting ringtone of yours.
Demetri Martin
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I love bowling almost as much as I love not bowling.
Demetri Martin
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If I think of a joke that's really dirty and I think it's funny I'll try it but what I've found over the years is they just don't laugh. It doesn't work coming out of my mouth so it's like they taught me 'don't do that. Don't go that way or you'll lose me.'
Demetri Martin
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Dogs seem more photogenic than cats. In photos most cats look like sociopaths.
Demetri Martin
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I'm not a lawmaker, but I was thinking that if you have a really loud ring tone, maybe you should be stabbed in the ear?
Demetri Martin