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It's hard to know what's gay in life. Boxing. That's two men fighting over a belt.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Hard
Men
Life
Belt
Belts
Boxing
Gay
Fighting
Two

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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Now I got a time machine at home. It only goes foreword at regular speed. It's essentially a cardboard box and on the outside I wrote time machine in sharpie.
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Dogs seem more photogenic than cats. In photos most cats look like sociopaths.
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To remove blood stains from your conscience try frozen margaritas.
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Once I started to look i finally began to see.
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I saw a transvestite wearing a T-shirt that said 'Guess'.
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There's a very fine line between giving someone the Heimlich maneuver and dry-humping a stranger.
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I was stuck in traffic and I looked in the mirror and in the car behind me there was a couple having a horrible argument and right below their image it said Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear. I just thought, man I hope so because she was pretty mad.
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The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast.
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It is impossible for a cyclops to wink.
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A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.
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I bought a new pair of pajamas with pockets, which is great, cause now i don't have to hold things when I sleep.
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I got myself a really nice nib pen, with like 15 kinds of India Ink, and tons of different nibs I think I was just procrastinating, like, once I have the right nib, the book is just going to jump right out of my fingertips... but then it just ended up looking like the shitty drawings that I usually do.
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Overheard today in restaurant: Can you stop listening to our conversation?
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You never forget your first kiss. And that's what makes it so hard to forgive my uncle.
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It's Thursday and it really feels like a Thursday. Sometimes things just work out.
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Canoe plus waterfall equals I don't go camping anymore.
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A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a refrigerator starts in a box and then moves to a house.
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The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).
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A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.
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Brought to you by raising your voice. The next best thing to being right.
Demetri Martin