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Coffee is like a bra. 3 cups is one too many.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Bras
Cups
Coffee
Many
Like

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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The lord works in mysterious ways. Indeed. And a shorter way to say that is: God is a sneak.
Demetri Martin
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My friend named his car. And I don't want to be judgemental, but... what a dork.
Demetri Martin
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If someone throws a pie at your face, just open your mouth really wide and say, 'Thanks for feeding me, a**hole.'
Demetri Martin
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The key to life is balance, especially if you are on a ledge.
Demetri Martin
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Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
Demetri Martin
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What's this about rice milk? I didn't even know rice had nipples!
Demetri Martin
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A parade looks like a bunch of people are excited about being in traffic.
Demetri Martin
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I don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See Front.
Demetri Martin
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I like to stand near ATM machines, and when somebody types in their pin number, I go, 'Got it!' And then I run away.
Demetri Martin
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I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.
Demetri Martin
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I need to develop some patience - immediately.
Demetri Martin
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It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.
Demetri Martin
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Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.
Demetri Martin
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I ordered a wake-up call the other day. The phone rang and a woman's voice said, 'What the hell are you doing with your life?'
Demetri Martin
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I think a lot of people who watch TV don't realize when they're watch TV shows and it says 'produced by' and producer, producer... there are all these producers. What the hell does a producer do? It's funny how much you have to worry about as a producer.
Demetri Martin
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I want to make a revolving door that says 'Pull' on it, just see how obedient people are.
Demetri Martin
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Overheard today in restaurant: Can you stop listening to our conversation?
Demetri Martin
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I'm a producer on my show, which is great, but it's also kind of a mixed blessing because there's so much responsibility. Everything is a decision. You have to worry about the money, you have to worry about daylight, who we're going to cast and if this location doesn't work out, what are we going to do?
Demetri Martin
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I think if I pick the right thing to spend my time doing, then time moves differently, because I really can get fully immersed in things and feel very alive and challenged, but in a good way. I feel a sense of progress.
Demetri Martin
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I think there are so many little hurdles and impediments with stand-up that you'd need to have this insane desire to do it if you didn't have something that clicked right away.
Demetri Martin