Quote

Coffee is like a bra. 3 cups is one too many.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Like
Bras
Cups
Coffee
Many

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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I don't think I ever wrote a song. I can write a lot of jokes, but when I try to write lyrics they're the most direct, non-figurative words, like, 'I like you, I like you,'... and that's it, for the whole song. People would go, 'Ooh, this guy's Dylan or something.' It gives me a lot more respect for songwriters, actually.
Demetri Martin
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A lot of things look cooler in slow motion. Eating isn't one of them.
Demetri Martin
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When I am holding a water balloon, so many things look so unnecessarily dry.
Demetri Martin
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If I make my window ten days for stand-up, the conclusion is that I failed and that I'm not good at stand-up. If I make it ten years - if I just wait - the conclusion might be something totally different. I think it's so cool to do things in which you discover the malleability of your own mind.
Demetri Martin
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When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding.
Demetri Martin
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Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.
Demetri Martin
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I can tell how lonely I am by how easily I'm fooled by a mannequin in a store.
Demetri Martin
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To get strangers to hate you even faster, crank up the volume on that very interesting ringtone of yours.
Demetri Martin
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Mosquito bites Jesus, receives communion.
Demetri Martin
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I care about politics, but I have a tough time making comedy out of it. I was so happy to have a chance to be on The Daily Show, and I think Jon Stewart's so funny... but mostly in my own comedy, I care about less relevant things.
Demetri Martin
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I saw a sign that said, 'Watch for children.' I was like, 'That sounds like a fair trade - especially if they're crappy kids.'
Demetri Martin
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I just listen to so much music that I like the role music can play in scoring something. I'm not doing song parodies or funny songs, I'm just adding some music to my words. So it's limited and specific, but as a performer I find it pretty enjoyable.
Demetri Martin
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The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
Demetri Martin
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It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.
Demetri Martin
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The key to life is balance, especially if you are on a ledge.
Demetri Martin
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I'm always excited to try something I haven't done.
Demetri Martin
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If someone throws a pie at your face, just open your mouth really wide and say, 'Thanks for feeding me, a**hole.'
Demetri Martin
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Never forget where you came from. That's what I think when I walk into a cave.
Demetri Martin
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There's an old Russian saying that goes some way or another. I don't know it. I don't speak Russian. But sometimes I think about it and wonder if it's relevant to what I'm going through at the time. Probably not. I mean what do Russian know about hunger, anyway?
Demetri Martin
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I like video games, but they are very violent. I want to create a video game in which you have to help all the characters who have died in the other games. 'Hey, man, what are you playing?' 'Super Busy Hospital. Could you leave me alone? I'm performing surgery! This guy got shot in the head, like, 27 times!'
Demetri Martin