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Coffee is like a bra. 3 cups is one too many.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Like
Bras
Cups
Coffee
Many

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.
Demetri Martin
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There's a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I like that name, 'Futon World.' Makes me think of a magical place that gets less and less comfortable over time.
Demetri Martin
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I like stand-up. But I'd also like a family and house and a yard. I want to work with a lot of people, have colleagues and on good film sets, there's people there that work with the same people for years and years. I love that collaborative spirit in that medium. Comedy is a lot more solitary.
Demetri Martin
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It's not enough to say I'm sorry. You have to also mean it. It's the same with saying I'm single.
Demetri Martin
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It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.
Demetri Martin
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I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.
Demetri Martin
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Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest.
Demetri Martin
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Vampire fad just won't die. Makes sense, I guess.
Demetri Martin
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I used to get bummed out when it rained then I realized that it's God's way of washing off hippies.
Demetri Martin
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I like to stand near ATM machines, and when somebody types in their pin number, I go, 'Got it!' And then I run away.
Demetri Martin
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I bought a new pair of pajamas with pockets, which is great, cause now i don't have to hold things when I sleep.
Demetri Martin
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Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is.
Demetri Martin
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I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.
Demetri Martin
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Last week I lost my temper in my karate class. Man, I'm not doing that again until I'm a black belt. Because I can tell you there's a difference between taking karate and receiving karate.
Demetri Martin
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Planning trip around the globe, that is in my room.
Demetri Martin
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I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.
Demetri Martin
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If only loud people were even half as interesting as they think they are.
Demetri Martin
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Separate but equal is terrible for education but it's perfect for eyebrows.
Demetri Martin
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When I look up at the clouds I see so many animals, mostly sheep who have lost their limbs and heads.
Demetri Martin
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I find that a shirt is most similar to a napkin when I don't have a napkin.
Demetri Martin