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Canoe plus waterfall equals I don't go camping anymore.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Equals
Plus
Anymore
Canoe
Waterfall
Waterfalls
Camping
More quotes by Demetri Martin
They say it's lonely at the top. It must be even lonelier at the tippy top.
Demetri Martin
As soon as I jumped out of the airplane, I realized I had forgotten my parachute. Thank God we were still on the runway.
Demetri Martin
If you remove a treehouse from a tree, than it's just a shitty house. Sometimes when i'm in a shitty house, I like to imagine that it's in a tree, than it's like Woah, this house is amazing.
Demetri Martin
A human head looks the least scary when it is attached.
Demetri Martin
Coffee is like a bra. 3 cups is one too many.
Demetri Martin
Small businesses are important, but so are tiny businesses.
Demetri Martin
My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.
Demetri Martin
When I first heard the term 'training bra,' I was freaked out. I was pretty young and I said, 'Did you just say training bra? They're training their chests? I had no idea.' See some lady, her boobs are everywhere. 'What's her deal?' Those are untrained titties.
Demetri Martin
I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.
Demetri Martin
A parade looks like a bunch of people are excited about being in traffic.
Demetri Martin
I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes.
Demetri Martin
I like when people wear a WWJD bracelet, because it's like an example of the first thing Jesus wouldn't do, probably.
Demetri Martin
I like stand-up. But I'd also like a family and house and a yard. I want to work with a lot of people, have colleagues and on good film sets, there's people there that work with the same people for years and years. I love that collaborative spirit in that medium. Comedy is a lot more solitary.
Demetri Martin
You never forget your first kiss. And that's what makes it so hard to forgive my uncle.
Demetri Martin
Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks.
Demetri Martin
The chances of someone who looks like Jesus having pot raises steadily, to a point. If the guy is on a cross you may have the wrong guy.
Demetri Martin
I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.
Demetri Martin
When I am at rodeo I find it difficult not to root for the animals.
Demetri Martin
When I am holding a water balloon, so many things look so unnecessarily dry.
Demetri Martin
If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil give something to panic and wave you arms around and scream about.
Demetri Martin
