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Canoe plus waterfall equals I don't go camping anymore.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Plus
Anymore
Canoe
Waterfall
Waterfalls
Camping
Equals

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I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.
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I am sometimes referred to as Excuse Me in an annoyed tone of voice, because apparently I am in the way. I am so sorry. I am supposed to be some sort of mind reader, I guess. I am moving out of the way now as slowly as I possibly can. I am doing this and there's nothing you can do about it.
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A parade looks like a bunch of people are excited about being in traffic.
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I need to develop some patience - immediately.
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I like birthdays because we celebrate life with cakes. It's so cool. Sometimes when I see a baby, I'm like that much more cake in the world. But then when someone dies, I'm like the cake streak is over.
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When someone asks you the question 'Are you ticklish' it doesn't matter if you say yes or no, cause they're going to touch you. If someone asks if you're ticklish and you don't want to be touched you should something like 'I have diarrhea, now don't touch me cause you'll make it come out... and yes I'm very ticklish'.
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I find that a shirt is most similar to a napkin when I don't have a napkin.
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If I were blind, I'd wear a blindfold all the time.
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Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.
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Once I started to look i finally began to see.
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It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.
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I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.
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Whenever I throw caution to the wind I make sure I'm facing the right way so that it doesn't blow back and hit me in my face.
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I ordered a wake-up call the other day. The phone rang and a woman's voice said, 'What the hell are you doing with your life?'
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My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts.
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Futon World - a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.
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It's always helpful to remember that in the grand scheme of things you are much more important than... um, wait, than... something, maybe.
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I don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See Front.
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I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny.
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Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks.
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