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It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Internet
Two
Feels
Every
Something
Like
People
Outraged
Twitter
More quotes by Demetri Martin
As a comic, I think I'm very verbally oriented about a lot of the stuff that I've written or thought up and how I say it.
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It would be interesting if Elvis were reincarnated as an Elvis impersonator.
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If you stretched the average person's intestines out from end to end, it would make them scream a lot.
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If I could control the behavior of fat guys I would make them ride mopeds more often.
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The difference between a child's toy and an adult toy is: location, location, location.
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Fire truck with back end on fire drives really fast in circles.
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It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.
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Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.
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I don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See Front.
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Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.
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I wanna put stickers on turtles... I don't know why.
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Don't forget to turn your clocks back today if you don't want your clocks to be set to the right time.
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I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.
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Batteries are the most dramatic object. Other things stop working or they break, But Batteries... They Die.
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Stand-up is like a row boat: it's fun and romantic when you're choosing to do it. But if you have no other choice than to be in a row boat it's not as enjoyable that's survival.
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When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.
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It's hard to know what's gay in life. Boxing. That's two men fighting over a belt.
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Socrates became a trendsetter. Other philosophers, including Plato and Aristotle and Gus, quickly followed suit, dropping their last names too. And, for centuries after that there would be countless imitators including oltaire, Michelangelo, and, much later, Cher.
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I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.
Demetri Martin
I'm a producer on my show, which is great, but it's also kind of a mixed blessing because there's so much responsibility. Everything is a decision. You have to worry about the money, you have to worry about daylight, who we're going to cast and if this location doesn't work out, what are we going to do?
Demetri Martin