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It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
People
Outraged
Twitter
Internet
Two
Feels
Every
Something
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More quotes by Demetri Martin
I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.' I said, 'I am.'
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I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.
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Artistically, I find jokes really satisfying aesthetically, because there's something great about getting an idea down to a sentence or two.
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It is impossible for a cyclops to wink.
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I wanna buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together.
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The lord works in mysterious ways. Indeed. And a shorter way to say that is: God is a sneak.
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When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding.
Demetri Martin
One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're not it does just the opposite. It's like, 'Hey, there's an asshole.'
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Statistics indicate that the average American is a guy named Brian who lives in Ohio.
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I just found out that I have more allies than America!
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The key to life is balance, especially if you are on a ledge.
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I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.
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I wish my name started with a comma. That would be so dramatic.
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Never forget where you came from. That's what I think when I walk into a cave.
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If you want to dry hump someone you don't know, just act like they were choking.
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I am a ceiling fan, especially during rain.
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I didn't do improv in college, I never performed, I didn't do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major.
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The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door.
Demetri Martin
Last week I lost my temper in my karate class. Man, I'm not doing that again until I'm a black belt. Because I can tell you there's a difference between taking karate and receiving karate.
Demetri Martin
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
Demetri Martin
