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I've often liked a girl, made her laugh, and thought she liked me, and then found out that she didn't like me that way. I've definitely done time in the friend zone.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Made
Laughing
Way
Friend
Time
Girl
Like
Often
Found
Zone
Didn
Liked
Thought
Definitely
Done
Laugh
More quotes by Demetri Martin
If only loud people were even half as interesting as they think they are.
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I like shorter jokes. I like fewer words. I think the more ideas there are the, the fewer words there should be.
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The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).
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My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts.
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I can move objects with my mind, if I use my hands.
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I like digital cameras, because they enable you to reminisce immediately.
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If I could control the behavior of fat guys I would make them ride mopeds more often.
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I saw a sign that said, 'Watch for children.' I was like, 'That sounds like a fair trade - especially if they're crappy kids.'
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I'm always excited to try something I haven't done.
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Planning trip around the globe, that is in my room.
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One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're not it does just the opposite. It's like, 'Hey, there's an asshole.'
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When someone asks you the question 'Are you ticklish' it doesn't matter if you say yes or no, cause they're going to touch you. If someone asks if you're ticklish and you don't want to be touched you should something like 'I have diarrhea, now don't touch me cause you'll make it come out... and yes I'm very ticklish'.
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Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.
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When I look up at the clouds I see so many animals, mostly sheep who have lost their limbs and heads.
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It seems that man's greatest natural enemy is the target.
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I learned this summer that peeing in the pool and peeing INTO the pool are very different things. Location, Location, Location.
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I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude.' 'Dude, these are isotopes.' 'Dude, we removed your kidney. You're gonna be fine.' 'Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies.'
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I like parties, but I don't like piƱatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. Hey, there's a donkey with some pizzazz. Let's kick its ass.
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I thought I would, you know, go to college, get to law school, finish, and then get a job and work as a lawyer, but that proved to be not a good fit for me.
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I wonder if there were any goths in gothic times. They're like: You look completely appropriate. You don't look stupid or lonely at all.
Demetri Martin