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I've often liked a girl, made her laugh, and thought she liked me, and then found out that she didn't like me that way. I've definitely done time in the friend zone.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Made
Laughing
Way
Friend
Time
Girl
Like
Often
Found
Zone
Didn
Liked
Thought
Definitely
Done
Laugh
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To remove blood stains from your conscience try frozen margaritas.
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I've learned something on the road, traveling around: state shapes. The easier it is to draw the shape of the state, the harder it is to live in that state. So, if you live in a regular polygon, get the hell outta there. You gotta move to a squiggly area. Culture's attracted to squiggles.
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What's this about rice milk? I didn't even know rice had nipples!
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Leave no stone unturned in your quest to disrupt a rock garden.
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I think it would be frustrating to be a match maker. What do you do? I'm a match maker Aw, that's really romantic No, umm... I actually... never mind
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One of the most difficult and ironic murder weapons is the life jacket.
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Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.
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A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a refrigerator starts in a box and then moves to a house.
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I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.
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When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.
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You never forget your first kiss. And that's what makes it so hard to forgive my uncle.
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I was seeing this girl and she wanted to get more serious. But I wasn't ready to, I had just gotten out of a difficult relationship before that. So I said to her, 'Listen, you have to understand something. Relationships are like eyebrows. It's better when there's a space between them.' And that's coming from a Greek guy.
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There's a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I like that name, 'Futon World.' Makes me think of a magical place that gets less and less comfortable over time.
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Overheard today in restaurant: Can you stop listening to our conversation?
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How to be a bouncer: be an asshole stand near a door.
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My friend says touche way too much. He's a touche bag.
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Halloween: the day each year when strangers give you even more specific reasons to dislike them based on what they are wearing.
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The best way to make somebody feel important is to try to assassinate them.
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This is a pie chart about procrastination.
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I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes.
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