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I've often liked a girl, made her laugh, and thought she liked me, and then found out that she didn't like me that way. I've definitely done time in the friend zone.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Found
Zone
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Liked
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Done
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More quotes by Demetri Martin
I was a good student when I was a kid, and I did everything I was supposed to do, and I got A's.
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I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.
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Turtles are greater than baby nephews, because it's ok to drop a turtle.
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I think it would be worse to get mauled by a dancing bear than just a regular bear because you can't totally blame the dancing bear.
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But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.
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If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half.
Demetri Martin
Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.
Demetri Martin
I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.
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It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.
Demetri Martin
My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.
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If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil give something to panic and wave you arms around and scream about.
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It's hard to know what's gay in life. Boxing. That's two men fighting over a belt.
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I think there are so many little hurdles and impediments with stand-up that you'd need to have this insane desire to do it if you didn't have something that clicked right away.
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I'm a producer on my show, which is great, but it's also kind of a mixed blessing because there's so much responsibility. Everything is a decision. You have to worry about the money, you have to worry about daylight, who we're going to cast and if this location doesn't work out, what are we going to do?
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I ordered a wake-up call the other day. The phone rang and a woman's voice said, 'What the hell are you doing with your life?'
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When telling a story about how wasted you were last night, stop.
Demetri Martin
I like when people wear a WWJD bracelet, because it's like an example of the first thing Jesus wouldn't do, probably.
Demetri Martin
If you stretched the average person's intestines out from end to end, it would make them scream a lot.
Demetri Martin
Leave no stone unturned in your quest to disrupt a rock garden.
Demetri Martin
My friend says touche way too much. He's a touche bag.
Demetri Martin
