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I was a good student when I was a kid, and I did everything I was supposed to do, and I got A's.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Good
Student
Supposed
Students
Kids
Everything
More quotes by Demetri Martin
One of the most difficult and ironic murder weapons is the life jacket.
Demetri Martin
How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.
Demetri Martin
When I am at rodeo I find it difficult not to root for the animals.
Demetri Martin
When telling a story about how wasted you were last night, stop.
Demetri Martin
Yes, okay, it's cool to be quirky, maybe, on the side. Do some puzzles, make puzzles, whatever, learn how to ride a unicycle. That's cool when it's on the side and you have a plan. What happens when you remove the plan? What you're left with is a guy who likes to do anagrams. And doesn't have a job... Sweet, that's a catch.
Demetri Martin
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
Demetri Martin
The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door.
Demetri Martin
I'm a body builder, but I don't use weights. I use snacks. It's kind of a different building process.
Demetri Martin
The lord works in mysterious ways. Indeed. And a shorter way to say that is: God is a sneak.
Demetri Martin
I love bowling almost as much as I love not bowling.
Demetri Martin
I'm a producer on my show, which is great, but it's also kind of a mixed blessing because there's so much responsibility. Everything is a decision. You have to worry about the money, you have to worry about daylight, who we're going to cast and if this location doesn't work out, what are we going to do?
Demetri Martin
To some I am known as Chief. And these are usually people who work in Radio Shack or try to sell me shoes. To others I am known as Buddy. These are people who dwell in bars and wonder if I’ve got a problem or what it is that I am “looking at.” And to still others, who are in that same bar, standing just off to the side, I am “Get Him!
Demetri Martin
I would like to have windshield wipers that do the whole windshield, please.
Demetri Martin
There's a very fine line between giving someone the Heimlich maneuver and dry-humping a stranger.
Demetri Martin
I bought a new pair of pajamas with pockets, which is great, cause now i don't have to hold things when I sleep.
Demetri Martin
I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.
Demetri Martin
It's not enough to say I'm sorry. You have to also mean it. It's the same with saying I'm single.
Demetri Martin
I believe in empathy. When religion provides that for people, it's the best thing in the world.
Demetri Martin
The best way to make somebody feel important is to try to assassinate them.
Demetri Martin
Batteries are the most dramatic object. Other things stop working or they break, But Batteries... They Die.
Demetri Martin