Quote

Usually, I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down.

Demetri Martin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Around
Across
Thought
Laugh
Come
Usually
Writing
Walk
Things
Laughing
Think
Walks
Thinking
Write
Makes

More quotes by Demetri Martin

Image
Halloween: the day each year when strangers give you even more specific reasons to dislike them based on what they are wearing.
Demetri Martin
Image
Last week I lost my temper in my karate class. Man, I'm not doing that again until I'm a black belt. Because I can tell you there's a difference between taking karate and receiving karate.
Demetri Martin
Image
But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.
Demetri Martin
Image
I was eating some candy and looked on the wrapper, and it said made from natural and artificial flavors. You could just say flavors.
Demetri Martin
Image
I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.
Demetri Martin
Image
I am a ceiling fan, especially during rain.
Demetri Martin
Image
If you stretched the average person's intestines out from end to end, it would make them scream a lot.
Demetri Martin
Image
I've heard of many chocoholics, but I ain't never seen no chocohol. We got an epidemic, people: people who like chocolate but don't understand word endings. They're probably over-workaholled.
Demetri Martin
Image
How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.
Demetri Martin
Image
Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.
Demetri Martin
Image
The key to life is balance, especially if you are on a ledge.
Demetri Martin
Image
Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks.
Demetri Martin
Image
I was stuck in traffic and I looked in the mirror and in the car behind me there was a couple having a horrible argument and right below their image it said Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear. I just thought, man I hope so because she was pretty mad.
Demetri Martin
Image
It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as I get older, I start to realize I don't feel that way so much anymore. If you see somebody like you who's doing something, an older version of what you are, it does make you feel like it's more possible.
Demetri Martin
Image
REGARDING THE MARCHING BAND: How much more interesting it would be to see a creeping band.
Demetri Martin
Image
Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest.
Demetri Martin
Image
People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy.
Demetri Martin
Image
A lot of things look cooler in slow motion. Eating isn't one of them.
Demetri Martin
Image
I remember when I used to be really into nostalgia.
Demetri Martin
Image
I want to launch a globe into space just to mess with the astronauts.
Demetri Martin