Quote

Usually, I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Makes
Across
Around
Laugh
Thought
Usually
Come
Walk
Writing
Laughing
Things
Walks
Think
Thinking
Write

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I wanna design a video game where you'd have to take care of all the people shot in all the other video games.
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I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming.
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We do not allow dwarf tossing. If you toss a dwarf, the dwarf will be tossed right back at you, but faster.
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I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.
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Cotton candy is the perfect snack for when I'm in the mood to eat dry, scratchy fabric.
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I wasn't the class clown, but I was starting to become the crazy guy at law school, which is the guy who is not so much crazy as annoying.
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Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks.
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Never forget where you came from. That's what I think when I walk into a cave.
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My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts.
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Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.
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The sofa is the enemy of productivity.
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If only loud people were even half as interesting as they think they are.
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Batteries are the most dramatic object. Other things stop working or they break, But Batteries... They Die.
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I was a good student when I was a kid, and I did everything I was supposed to do, and I got A's.
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Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.
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I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.
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When someone shows you a picture of their kids what they don't want to hear is Oh, yeah, I got pictures of your kid too.
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Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.
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I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.
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When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.
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