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I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Tend
Places
Television
Politics
Televisions
Ropes
Velvet
Rope
Avoid

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But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.
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It's hard to know what's gay in life. Boxing. That's two men fighting over a belt.
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You can say 'Thanks,' and you can say 'Thanks a Million' - but any number in between?
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I like birthdays because we celebrate life with cakes. It's so cool. Sometimes when I see a baby, I'm like that much more cake in the world. But then when someone dies, I'm like the cake streak is over.
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I am a ceiling fan, especially during rain.
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I wanna put stickers on turtles... I don't know why.
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My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts.
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Right now someone out there is struggling and starting to panic because they can't get out of a tempurpedic bed.
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I believe in empathy. When religion provides that for people, it's the best thing in the world.
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Usually, I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down.
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A lot of things look cooler in slow motion. Eating isn't one of them.
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I want to get the joke to work without having to put any words or to say anything. I just want the person to look at it, and quietly in their brain, they can just put it together and say, Cool, that one works.
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The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).
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As a comic, I think I'm very verbally oriented about a lot of the stuff that I've written or thought up and how I say it.
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There's a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I like that name, 'Futon World.' Makes me think of a magical place that gets less and less comfortable over time.
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You are ten times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you.
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I remember when I used to be really into nostalgia.
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I saw a transvestite wearing a T-shirt that said 'Guess'.
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Sometimes it looks like I'm dancing, but it's just that I walked into a spider web.
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Once I started to look i finally began to see.
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