Quote

I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes.

Demetri Martin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Ropes
Velvet
Rope
Avoid
Tend
Places
Television
Politics
Televisions

More quotes by Demetri Martin

Image
I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.
Demetri Martin
Image
I ordered a wake-up call the other day. The phone rang and a woman's voice said, 'What the hell are you doing with your life?'
Demetri Martin
Image
I want to make a revolving door that says 'Pull' on it, just see how obedient people are.
Demetri Martin
Image
I think it would be worse to get mauled by a dancing bear than just a regular bear because you can't totally blame the dancing bear.
Demetri Martin
Image
But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.
Demetri Martin
Image
I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.
Demetri Martin
Image
Statistics indicate that the average American is a guy named Brian who lives in Ohio.
Demetri Martin
Image
A lot of things look cooler in slow motion. Eating isn't one of them.
Demetri Martin
Image
I remember when I used to be really into nostalgia.
Demetri Martin
Image
Your mind is like a sponge, in the sense that it would come in handy when cleaning off a countertop or something like that.
Demetri Martin
Image
Do you have any Greek in you? That was just a tactful way of asking if you're pregnant. If you're not, then let's break up.
Demetri Martin
Image
The earth without art is just eh.
Demetri Martin
Image
I like when people wear a WWJD bracelet, because it's like an example of the first thing Jesus wouldn't do, probably.
Demetri Martin
Image
What's this about rice milk? I didn't even know rice had nipples!
Demetri Martin
Image
I want to launch a globe into space just to mess with the astronauts.
Demetri Martin
Image
Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron.
Demetri Martin
Image
If you want to dry hump someone you don't know, just act like they were choking.
Demetri Martin
Image
My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.
Demetri Martin
Image
I bought a new pair of pajamas with pockets, which is great, cause now i don't have to hold things when I sleep.
Demetri Martin
Image
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
Demetri Martin