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I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Avoid
Tend
Places
Television
Politics
Televisions
Ropes
Velvet
Rope
More quotes by Demetri Martin
If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.
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I've never read an article of clothing.
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I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.
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To remove blood stains from your conscience try frozen margaritas.
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When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding.
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The difference between a child's toy and an adult toy is: location, location, location.
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I think there's a difference between making comedy and reporting comedy. When you're a joke teller you can easily fall into the second, you can show up and just say the jokes.
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My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts.
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A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a refrigerator starts in a box and then moves to a house.
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I got into stand up just to do stand up because I love stand up.
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I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming.
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I don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See Front.
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A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.
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I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.
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I love motor learning because it's very basic and primal. A lot of what I like to learn correlates with the opposite of what gets you laid. I can ride a unicycle and I can juggle. These are unimpressive things to know.
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Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.
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I like birthdays because we celebrate life with cakes. It's so cool. Sometimes when I see a baby, I'm like that much more cake in the world. But then when someone dies, I'm like the cake streak is over.
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I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.
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What I've learned about my self over the years is that I'm pretty restless. If I multitask it's probably because I have difficulty just focusing on one thing.
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It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.
Demetri Martin