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I wanna design a video game where you'd have to take care of all the people shot in all the other video games.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Shot
Shots
Design
Game
Games
Care
Take
Wanna
People
Video

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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Halloween: the day each year when strangers give you even more specific reasons to dislike them based on what they are wearing.
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Everybody knew that you should never provoke a rattlesnake, much less tie it into a bow. But that didn't stop Judd. What did stop him was the rattlesnake.
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My friend says touche way too much. He's a touche bag.
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My policy is 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation.'
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The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast.
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I just found out that I have more allies than America!
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The shortest distance between two idiots is a conga line.
Demetri Martin
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Usually, I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down.
Demetri Martin
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I need to develop some patience - immediately.
Demetri Martin
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Brought to you by raising your voice. The next best thing to being right.
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Canoe plus waterfall equals I don't go camping anymore.
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Separate but equal is terrible for education but it's perfect for eyebrows.
Demetri Martin
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If I make my window ten days for stand-up, the conclusion is that I failed and that I'm not good at stand-up. If I make it ten years - if I just wait - the conclusion might be something totally different. I think it's so cool to do things in which you discover the malleability of your own mind.
Demetri Martin
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Yes, okay, it's cool to be quirky, maybe, on the side. Do some puzzles, make puzzles, whatever, learn how to ride a unicycle. That's cool when it's on the side and you have a plan. What happens when you remove the plan? What you're left with is a guy who likes to do anagrams. And doesn't have a job... Sweet, that's a catch.
Demetri Martin
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I love motor learning because it's very basic and primal. A lot of what I like to learn correlates with the opposite of what gets you laid. I can ride a unicycle and I can juggle. These are unimpressive things to know.
Demetri Martin
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You get really disillusioned, because you thought you were in love. But you realize that you're just alone.
Demetri Martin
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I've learned something on the road, traveling around: state shapes. The easier it is to draw the shape of the state, the harder it is to live in that state. So, if you live in a regular polygon, get the hell outta there. You gotta move to a squiggly area. Culture's attracted to squiggles.
Demetri Martin
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There's a very fine line between giving someone the Heimlich maneuver and dry-humping a stranger.
Demetri Martin
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Why are there not positive mysteries? It's always who stole the diamond, or who killed the butler? How about... who made cookies, somebody cleaned my room.
Demetri Martin
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I wanna buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together.
Demetri Martin