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I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Turns
Enactment
Commit
Crime
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More quotes by Demetri Martin

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Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks.
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If someone throws a pie at your face, just open your mouth really wide and say, 'Thanks for feeding me, a**hole.'
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Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.
Demetri Martin
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I was a good student when I was a kid, and I did everything I was supposed to do, and I got A's.
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My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.
Demetri Martin
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I like stand-up. But I'd also like a family and house and a yard. I want to work with a lot of people, have colleagues and on good film sets, there's people there that work with the same people for years and years. I love that collaborative spirit in that medium. Comedy is a lot more solitary.
Demetri Martin
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I am a comedian but it's usually not a compliment to be called a prop comedian but I guess I sometimes use props. And I always confuse humorist with comedian. That's strange.
Demetri Martin
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Vampire fad just won't die. Makes sense, I guess.
Demetri Martin
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One of the most difficult and ironic murder weapons is the life jacket.
Demetri Martin
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The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast.
Demetri Martin
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I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, 'Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.' The paper I used said, 'Happy Birthday.' I didn't want to waste it, so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
Demetri Martin
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Whenever I throw caution to the wind I make sure I'm facing the right way so that it doesn't blow back and hit me in my face.
Demetri Martin
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When watering your plants, try to talk to them - say something like, Hold it right there and then shoot them with water gun.
Demetri Martin
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I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever they hate. And it's like, Okay. That's your opinion. Somebody liked it, so that's good. Hopefully it balances out.
Demetri Martin
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I wonder if, as a society, we will ever be able to call someone a jive tofurkey.
Demetri Martin
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Fire truck with back end on fire drives really fast in circles.
Demetri Martin
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But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.
Demetri Martin
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I've never read an article of clothing.
Demetri Martin
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I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, 'Looks like you're writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, you'll get more money.'
Demetri Martin
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I am a man of my word… and that word is “unreliable.
Demetri Martin