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Everybody knew that you should never provoke a rattlesnake, much less tie it into a bow. But that didn't stop Judd. What did stop him was the rattlesnake.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Everybody
Judd
Less
Rattlesnakes
Didn
Provoke
Much
Provoking
Never
Bows
Ties
Knew
Stop
Rattlesnake
More quotes by Demetri Martin
I've never read an article of clothing.
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My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.
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Your mind is like a sponge, in the sense that it would come in handy when cleaning off a countertop or something like that.
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I've learned something on the road, traveling around: state shapes. The easier it is to draw the shape of the state, the harder it is to live in that state. So, if you live in a regular polygon, get the hell outta there. You gotta move to a squiggly area. Culture's attracted to squiggles.
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Never forget where you came from. That's what I think when I walk into a cave.
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A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.
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I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.
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I wanna design a video game where you'd have to take care of all the people shot in all the other video games.
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If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.
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Don't talk to strangers. Sure, unless you want to meet anyone ever.
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I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes.
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The lord works in mysterious ways. Indeed. And a shorter way to say that is: God is a sneak.
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As soon as I jumped out of the airplane, I realized I had forgotten my parachute. Thank God we were still on the runway.
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I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude.' 'Dude, these are isotopes.' 'Dude, we removed your kidney. You're gonna be fine.' 'Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies.'
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When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.
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Last week I lost my temper in my karate class. Man, I'm not doing that again until I'm a black belt. Because I can tell you there's a difference between taking karate and receiving karate.
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It would be interesting if Elvis were reincarnated as an Elvis impersonator.
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Separate but equal is terrible for education but it's perfect for eyebrows.
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Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the book store i just flip to the about the author section. I'm like, Done, next!
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I wasn't the class clown, but I was starting to become the crazy guy at law school, which is the guy who is not so much crazy as annoying.
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