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Everybody knew that you should never provoke a rattlesnake, much less tie it into a bow. But that didn't stop Judd. What did stop him was the rattlesnake.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Stop
Rattlesnake
Everybody
Judd
Less
Rattlesnakes
Didn
Provoke
Much
Provoking
Never
Bows
Ties
Knew
More quotes by Demetri Martin
The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door.
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Another thing that I like and that's fun for me is to try and talk and play music at the same time, because I feel like I'm learning something. There are these little challenges built into it it's a way to push myself a little bit more as a performer.
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Man is the most powerful creature on the planet. And we're arrogant. I mean, people own birds. It's like, there's a creature with the gift of flight. I want it. I'm going to put it in my kitchen and make it crap on old information.
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I was seeing this girl and she wanted to get more serious. But I wasn't ready to, I had just gotten out of a difficult relationship before that. So I said to her, 'Listen, you have to understand something. Relationships are like eyebrows. It's better when there's a space between them.' And that's coming from a Greek guy.
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A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.
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A sports bar is a way to take a bar and fill it with even more annoying people than usual.
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Overheard today in restaurant: Can you stop listening to our conversation?
Demetri Martin
But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.
Demetri Martin
Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks.
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I don't know if I'll ever be a master at anything, but I think that's a mistake for me personally. I don't know how much it's about the journey, but it's more about the process.
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As soon as I jumped out of the airplane, I realized I had forgotten my parachute. Thank God we were still on the runway.
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I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.
Demetri Martin
One time I saw an old man in a hurry and I thought, 'That makes sense.'
Demetri Martin
When telling a story about how wasted you were last night, stop.
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I got some new pajamas with pockets in 'em. Which is great, because before that, I used to have to hold stuff when I slept. But now I'm like, 'Where's my planner? There it is. Keep sleeping. All right, perfect.'
Demetri Martin
I don't know what the long form of OK is. I wanna think it's okie dokie. 'I'm okie dokie. I'm a little shaken up, but I'm okie dokie.' 'The good news is, she's okie dokie. The surgery went fine.'
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Coffee is like a bra. 3 cups is one too many.
Demetri Martin
I am sometimes referred to as Excuse Me in an annoyed tone of voice, because apparently I am in the way. I am so sorry. I am supposed to be some sort of mind reader, I guess. I am moving out of the way now as slowly as I possibly can. I am doing this and there's nothing you can do about it.
Demetri Martin
I have an erratic drummer for anybody who's just listening to this, he can keep time, but just in spurts.
Demetri Martin
Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.
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