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People only mention it's a free country if they're doing something shitty.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Freedom
Free
Funny
Country
Something
Shitty
Life
Doings
People
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Comedian
More quotes by Demetri Martin
One time I saw an old man in a hurry and I thought, 'That makes sense.'
Demetri Martin
There's an old Russian saying that goes some way or another. I don't know it. I don't speak Russian. But sometimes I think about it and wonder if it's relevant to what I'm going through at the time. Probably not. I mean what do Russian know about hunger, anyway?
Demetri Martin
Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him. But life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.
Demetri Martin
I saw a transvestite wearing a T-shirt that said 'Guess'.
Demetri Martin
People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy.
Demetri Martin
In retrospect, everything is finite, but prospectively, there are infinite possibilities. I guess that's what makes life hopeful.
Demetri Martin
I thought I would, you know, go to college, get to law school, finish, and then get a job and work as a lawyer, but that proved to be not a good fit for me.
Demetri Martin
The earth without art is just eh.
Demetri Martin
I want to make a revolving door that says 'Pull' on it, just see how obedient people are.
Demetri Martin
I was a good student when I was a kid, and I did everything I was supposed to do, and I got A's.
Demetri Martin
You get really disillusioned, because you thought you were in love. But you realize that you're just alone.
Demetri Martin
When you're wearing an animal costume and something bad happens, your facial expression doesn't change. The animal is deadpan the whole time. If you're skiing in a gorilla suit and you fall, you just see a gorilla who has no emotion. It's just a stoic gorilla, wildly falling down a hill, out of control.
Demetri Martin
I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.
Demetri Martin
You mock those who blindly follow the majority...turn your attention now to those who are so dedicated to deviating from the norm that they would gladly cease breathing if it were suggested to them that inhalation was a form of conformity for they deserve just as much scrutiny and ridicule.
Demetri Martin
When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.
Demetri Martin
I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming.
Demetri Martin
I got myself a really nice nib pen, with like 15 kinds of India Ink, and tons of different nibs I think I was just procrastinating, like, once I have the right nib, the book is just going to jump right out of my fingertips... but then it just ended up looking like the shitty drawings that I usually do.
Demetri Martin
I don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See Front.
Demetri Martin
I've never read an article of clothing.
Demetri Martin
I don't know if I'll ever be a master at anything, but I think that's a mistake for me personally. I don't know how much it's about the journey, but it's more about the process.
Demetri Martin
