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I like parties, but I don't like piñatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. Hey, there's a donkey with some pizzazz. Let's kick its ass.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Like
Kicks
Hey
Ass
Parties
Pizzazz
Animals
Flamboyant
Violence
Promotes
Animal
Donkey
Party
Kick
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It is impossible for a cyclops to wink.
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I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.
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Never forget where you came from. That's what I think when I walk into a cave.
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When I am holding a water balloon, so many things look so unnecessarily dry.
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I find that a shirt is most similar to a napkin when I don't have a napkin.
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Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him. But life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.
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Sometimes it looks like I'm dancing, but it's just that I walked into a spider web.
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Halloween's my favorite holiday because you don't have to spend it with your family.
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Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.
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I got into stand up just to do stand up because I love stand up.
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As soon as I jumped out of the airplane, I realized I had forgotten my parachute. Thank God we were still on the runway.
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The shortest distance between two idiots is a conga line.
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I want to get the joke to work without having to put any words or to say anything. I just want the person to look at it, and quietly in their brain, they can just put it together and say, Cool, that one works.
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Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.
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Surprise parties are strange 'cause people jump up and they yell the word, 'surprise' at the party. I came home and you emerged from my furniture. You don't have to tell me how to feel. I don't need a hint.
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When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.
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Your mind is like a sponge, in the sense that it would come in handy when cleaning off a countertop or something like that.
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They say that structure is freedom, and in a sense it is. When you're dealing with multiple constraints, you have to figure out what you can get out of that.
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I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.
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To look like you are a real sports fan, when there is a game on TV just yell, Oh, come on! every now and then at the TV.
Demetri Martin