Quote

I like parties, but I don't like piñatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. Hey, there's a donkey with some pizzazz. Let's kick its ass.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Hey
Ass
Parties
Pizzazz
Animals
Flamboyant
Violence
Promotes
Animal
Donkey
Party
Kick
Like
Kicks

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Canoe plus waterfall equals I don't go camping anymore.
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Planning trip around the globe, that is in my room.
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If I could control the behavior of fat guys I would make them ride mopeds more often.
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In retrospect, everything is finite, but prospectively, there are infinite possibilities. I guess that's what makes life hopeful.
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I equals all of the ifs added up over time. The ifs, those are the possibilities that's infinite for all of us. Every day there are just millions of them. Time, that's finite for each of us there is no question there. Maybe if you divide choices by the amount of time you have, the real I can emerge, depending upon those choices.
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They say it's lonely at the top. It must be even lonelier at the tippy top.
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A cool tattoo design is any drawing that would also look good saggy.
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I just listen to so much music that I like the role music can play in scoring something. I'm not doing song parodies or funny songs, I'm just adding some music to my words. So it's limited and specific, but as a performer I find it pretty enjoyable.
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One of the most difficult and ironic murder weapons is the life jacket.
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The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience.
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I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.
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If I were blind, I'd wear a blindfold all the time.
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I live in New York and there are a lot of famous... pizzerias in my neighborhood, it's really hard to find one that isn't famous. Which sucks sometimes, you know what I mean, sometimes I don't want all that glitz and glamour, I just want something delicious, you know? I don't need a celebrity in my mouth, Ray's Up And Coming Pizza would be fine.
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If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half.
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When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.
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I am a comedian but it's usually not a compliment to be called a prop comedian but I guess I sometimes use props. And I always confuse humorist with comedian. That's strange.
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A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a refrigerator starts in a box and then moves to a house.
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Right now someone out there is struggling and starting to panic because they can't get out of a tempurpedic bed.
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Mosquito bites Jesus, receives communion.
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It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.
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