Quote

My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Comedy
Coconut
Hand
Coconuts
Nice
Smells
Funny
Soap
Hands
Dirty
Like
Smell
Unless
Friend

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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How many of you are creative? I don't know, but for me, when you make a bunch of things over time and then you keep them... you forget. I look through my sketchbooks and I'm an audience for myself.
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I bought a dictionary. First thing I did was, I looked up the word dictionary, and it said you're an asshole.
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To remove blood stains from your conscience try frozen margaritas.
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But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.
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I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.
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I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.
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A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.
Demetri Martin
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I never set out to do a sketch show.
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I still like paper books. Like, book is a flammable object. After you read it, you could use it to get warm. Or it could become a pile of napkins.
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I want to make a revolving door that says 'Pull' on it, just see how obedient people are.
Demetri Martin
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I don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See Front.
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I like parties, but I don't like piñatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. Hey, there's a donkey with some pizzazz. Let's kick its ass.
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Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks.
Demetri Martin
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There's a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I like that name, 'Futon World.' Makes me think of a magical place that gets less and less comfortable over time.
Demetri Martin
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In retrospect, everything is finite, but prospectively, there are infinite possibilities. I guess that's what makes life hopeful.
Demetri Martin
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Canoe plus waterfall equals I don't go camping anymore.
Demetri Martin
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Once I started to look i finally began to see.
Demetri Martin
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I like when people wear a WWJD bracelet, because it's like an example of the first thing Jesus wouldn't do, probably.
Demetri Martin
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Dogs seem more photogenic than cats. In photos most cats look like sociopaths.
Demetri Martin
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If you want to dry hump someone you don't know, just act like they were choking.
Demetri Martin