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My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Friend
Comedy
Coconut
Hand
Coconuts
Nice
Smells
Funny
Soap
Hands
Dirty
Like
Smell
Unless
More quotes by Demetri Martin
I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.
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A human head looks the least scary when it is attached.
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99.99% of all castles in America are located in fish tanks.
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I wanna buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together.
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I want to get the joke to work without having to put any words or to say anything. I just want the person to look at it, and quietly in their brain, they can just put it together and say, Cool, that one works.
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Dogs seem more photogenic than cats. In photos most cats look like sociopaths.
Demetri Martin
I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down. Then, at night, I say the thought to people through a microphone. I don't think about politics or pop culture very much, so those thoughts don't often make it to the microphone.
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I just found out that I have more allies than America!
Demetri Martin
Planning trip around the globe, that is in my room.
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I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.
Demetri Martin
When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.
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Artistically, I find jokes really satisfying aesthetically, because there's something great about getting an idea down to a sentence or two.
Demetri Martin
It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.
Demetri Martin
We do not allow dwarf tossing. If you toss a dwarf, the dwarf will be tossed right back at you, but faster.
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Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.
Demetri Martin
I equals all of the ifs added up over time. The ifs, those are the possibilities that's infinite for all of us. Every day there are just millions of them. Time, that's finite for each of us there is no question there. Maybe if you divide choices by the amount of time you have, the real I can emerge, depending upon those choices.
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You get really disillusioned, because you thought you were in love. But you realize that you're just alone.
Demetri Martin
The sofa is the enemy of productivity.
Demetri Martin
I don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See Front.
Demetri Martin
I just listen to so much music that I like the role music can play in scoring something. I'm not doing song parodies or funny songs, I'm just adding some music to my words. So it's limited and specific, but as a performer I find it pretty enjoyable.
Demetri Martin
